Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye ....

New Mall with Hot New Products

Hey, we have a new mall in Abu Dhabi (yeah, we really really need another mall, but hey ...)


Anyway, while moseying around, we found a delightful shop where you can taste and personalise olive oils and balsamic vinegars.



Look what we also found on their shelves : Oil filled camels ... no pun intended!









And a little piece of home ... Viva Mama Afrika!

Useless fact .....

UNITED ARAB EMIRATES
alternates vowels and consonants

Lulu - The Rock Chick!!

Ok, well...... Lulu - The Old Rock Hen ....

Off we (DD and me) grooved to see Aerosmith live in Dubai. Don't believe me? Well, here are the photos to prove it ....




We would never have had this opportunity back home



You need a magnifying glass to see any sign of human life on the stage (we were in the cheap seats, ok?)

It was hot (in a cool way!) and it was HOT (in a Dubai middle of summer way) but it was
R-O-C-K-I-N-G
Dude!!

A Knitting Parcel from Heaven

(Well, it is from an angel at the very least!!)

A RAK parcel came today - completely out of the blue (the VERY best kind!!) It felt like Christmas, my birthday and Chinese New Year all rolled into one. Look what the angel sent me :
Firstly, notice the exquisite box - it screams class, but it also screamed "Open me, open me, open me ..."

Okay, I admit, I ripped into the box with my car keys, there and then - in the car park - well, there was NO WAY I was going to wait until I got home - forgetaboudit.

A bag with not one, not two, but three skeins/hanks of THE most incredible sock yarn - ACTUAL, REAL sock yarn. (I have never seen a skein of anything in real life, and I have never seen or felt or smelt or snuggled real, live sock yarn. (But I did today - right there in the PO car park - with a glazed look of love on my face, too!!)

Then out popped some dpns - bamboo, no less - never seen those before either!! And two circular needles to play with and a really useful booklet for notes on my adventures in sock knitting land. Oh, oh, oh..... it couldn't get any better, could it? .... it all smelt so delicious - just like honey, why? Because the angel had added some Bee Bar lotion too.

DD and I had a tug of war over possession of the plastic carrier bag - the little brat won!





Then we fought over the yarn - hah, this time I won!



And the yarn is now sitting on my laptop, where I can see it and snuggle it while I surf!!



Thank you Lori aka Crazyknits - you are simply the best!!

Abu Dhabi Heritage Crafts

A recent visit to the Heritage Craft Village intrigued those of us with an obsession with handmade craft objects .....

Like this guy (who was up to his neck in weaving!) :

A Work In Progress

Samples of beautiful woven silks :

Looms for making larger tapestries and carpets :

The finished products

Still knitting .....

Another Yum Yum

ONION juice??

Do you want your card swiped?

I suppose that depends on what you mean by "swiped" .....

The kitty gets a new toy ...

A story with pictures!

Once upon a time there was a Princess ... (aka Brat Cat)

One day the Princess asked her humom to make her a nice knitted toy ...

"Please make me a nice knitted toy, please, please, pleeeez"














"You feel sleepy, you will make me a nice knitted toy ..."















"I WANT A NICE KNITTED TOY!"















"MY TOY!!"














"MY toy!!"














"DESTROY MY TOY!!"














"Oops ..."















"It is so tiring being a Princess ..."














The End !!

Let's eat out ... yumm-o

Some of the interesting menus we have seen lately ....

Prince Charles and his Camil

So, Prince Charles and Camilla came to visit us in Abu Dhabi (just for one day, but what the heck ...) And they drove past OUR house, and WE SAW THEM (from the window of the 14th floor, but what the heck ...) And here are the photos to prove it .....

First, the cops blocked off the intersection ...
That's HIM in the first black car ...














Closely followed by his personal ambulance (right side of photo) and then (presumably) some bodyguards ...

And some more bodyguards ...














And some more bodyguards ... and finally the cops ...

Then the excitement was over
and life returned to "normal" once again.

Fame at last !!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zan8Xnq5-30

Did you spot the whirling South African dervishes swinging pillows ?????
Not sure why they fuzzed our faces - perhaps to protect the innocent involved...!!

Pillow Fighting - and FAME

Recently a group called Foresight (www.foresightpillowfight.org/?page_id=5) organised a Guinness Record breaking attempt to hold the biggest pillow fight. They were hoping for 5000 participants - so DD and I joined in (who can resist a good pillow fight??)

It started out in an orderly(??) fashion, with the handing out of pillows to participants ....

But, BEFORE the start of the actual fight, things quickly deteriorated into a free-for-all, a a certain person (who shall remain nameless on this blog!) couldn't contain the urge to bash the sh*t out of someone smaller ....

until, exhausted from showing the DD who is the boss, he finally collapsed on said pillow ...




THEN, the actual fight began .....















It only lasted for 1 minute, but was the most fun I have had with a pillow since I was a teenager .......!!!

Afterwards, we drove away feeling exhausted, stress-less and knowing that we would be famous one day - so, when you see the biggest pillowfight listed in the Guinness Book of World Records, YOU can say : I know someone who was there ......

... and a baby blanket ...

More Jerseys for Jack

Shhhh .... knit happens .....

This is why I have been TBTB (Too Busy To Blog) for a while ...

Someone asked me to knit some jerseys for her first grandchild. What fun it was - casting on 20 stitches instead of 120! BTW congratulations Janet on baby Jack ... have fun spoiling him.

Souf Effrican sense of humour

I just love our sense of humour - we found these on holiday too .....

I'm confused ......

Watching the news on Iraq, where the Sunni's and the Shia are having a go at each other, I got to thinking .... which sect are the UAE Moslems? I mean, it's like a rugby match - you've gotta support the right team, right?

So I looked it up .... big mistake!! Hours later I was still none the wiser. These guys have more divisions than a Matric maths class. It's no wonder they don't get along too well.

Let me see if I have got it right .... It seems that "the religion of Islam has many divisions, sects, schools, traditions, and related faiths." No kidding!!From http://en.wikipedia.org/Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

1 Major Branches
1.1 Sunni
1.2 Shi`a
1.3 Sufi
2 Sunni schools of thought
2.1 Hanafi
2.2 Hanbali
2.3 Maliki
2.4 Shafi'i
3 Shi'a Sects
3.1 Jafari
3.2 Ismailiyah
3.3 Zaiddiyah
3.4 Alawi
3.5 Alevi
3.6 Bohras
4 Sufi Orders
4.1 Bektashi
4.2 Chishti
4.3 Naqshbandi
4.4 Oveyssi
4.5 Qadiri
4.6 Suhrawardiyya
5 Kharijite Sects
5.1 Ibadi
5.2 Sufri
6 Kalam Schools
6.1 Ash'ari
6.2 Maturidi
6.3 Murjite
6.4 Mu'tazili
7 Movements within sects
7.1 Barelwi
7.2 Deobandi
7.3 Salafism
7.4 Wahhabism
7.5 Liberals
7.6 Islamism
7.7 Tablighi Jama'at
8 Other sects
8.1 Zikri
8.2 Ahmadiyya
8.3 Moorish Science
8.4 Nation of Islam
9 Related Faiths
9.1 Yazidi
9.2 Druze
9.3 Bábism
9.4 Bahá'í
9.5 Sikhism
9.6 Submitters
9.7 Five Percenters

Wikipedia - understanding that most of us are completely befuddled by now, also provide a world map of the types of Islam .....


But, if you look at the colour of the UAE's section, you will see that it is a completely different shade to the rest of the world and/or the key .... wha??

Ok, now I am dazed and confused ... and completely deurmekaar ... can someone please help me?

Back from Beyond

The lovely holiday home is now a distant memory ... but as it has taken me all this time to get out of my "there's nothing to blog about" phase, here are some of the memories we made this time ...

When you fly Business Class,

you get your own "Pod"!! - no neighbours!!

Rolling grass covered hills in Natal

A festive Christmas table

Feeling better now ....

If you don't understand Afrikaans, sorry
If you DO understand Afrikaans, Ag, SO - RRY!

/www.boerseun.com
Die pennevrug van prof. Johan Combrinck, voormalige Voorsitter van die Taalkommissie van die S.A. Akademie vir Wetenskap en Kuns.


DIE UNIEKE AFRIKAANSE “FOK”
Een van die interessantste, kleurvolste woorde in Afrikaans, is die leenwoord fok en sy familie.
Dis ‘n towerwoord wat, bloot deur sy klank, vreugde of pyn, liefde of haat, ontdekking of frustrasie kan weergee.
Fok is een van die min woorde wat die funksie van byna alle woordsoorte kan vervul.
Dit word as oorganklike werkwoord gebruik (Fok die hele spul),
en as onoorganklike werkwoord (Aag fok),
as bevel (Fok dit!),
in die bedrywende vorm (Dit het my gefok),
sowel as die lydende vorm (Nou is jy gefok),
as die hoofelement in ‘n hele reeks skeibare werkwoorde (aanfok, opfok, uitfok, toefok, voortfok, byfok, agteroorfok, agternafok), ens
of as stam van ‘n werkwoord (Nou het jy die hele ding befok).
As abstrakte selfstandige naamwoord (Ek gee nie ‘n fok om nie),
of as persoonsnaam (Het jy gesien wat die fokker probeer doen?),
as nabepaling by ‘n vraagwoord (Hoe de fok, wie de fok, hoekom de fok, wanneer de fok, ens.),
as byvoeglike naamwoord (Waar moet ek die fokken tyd vandaan kry?),
as bywoord (Dis nou ‘n fokken mooi grap),
en as uitroep (O fok!).
Selfs ook as invoegsel (Onge-fokken-looflik).
Dit kan ook in homself ingevoeg word (Nou is jy be-fokken-fok).

Hierdie Afrikaanse woord kan gebruik word om wyd uiteenlopende situasies te beskryf:
Verrassing: Hoe die fok gaan dit met jou?
Bedrog: Die motorhawe het my befok.
Ontsteltenis: Ag fokkit!
Moeilikheid: Nou is ek in my moer in gefok.
Aggressie: Fok jou!
Moedeloosheid: Hoe die fok moet ek dit regkry?
Walging: Fok my!
Wanbegrip: Ek fokken verstaan nie.
Inkompetensie: Hy fok alles op.
Gesag: Wat die fok dink jy doen jy?
Verdwaal: Nou weet ek not ‘n fok waar ek is nie.
Oortuiging: Onge-fokken-twyfeld.

Dit kan horlosietyd beskryf (Presies half-fokken-vyf),
of omstandighede (Hoe het ek in hierdie fokken job beland?),
of persone (Jan Fokken Smuts),
of dinge (Kyk hoe lyk jou fokken skoene!),
of plekke (Tot in fokken Durban),
of dit kan die siel van ‘n uitnodiging wees wat van hartlikheid drup (Fok u!).

Fok is in Afrikaans onge-fokken-ewenaard!

Feeling a bit homesick today ...

I know a place in Africa...
Inspiring poetry written by Wayne Visser, a South African currently based in UK.

I know a place in Africa
Where I can feel the sun on my back
And the sand between my barefoot toes
Where I can hear the gulls on the breeze
And the waves crash on the endless shore

I know a place in Africa
Where the mountains touch the skies of blue
And the valleys shelter vines of green
Where the trees spread out a cloth of mauve
And the bushveld wears a coat of beige

I know a place in Africa
Where I can hear the voice of thunder gods
And watch their lightening spears thrown to earth
Where I can breathe the scent of rain clouds
And taste the sweet dew of dusty drops

This is the place of wildness
Of evolution and dinosaurs
Where life began and mankind first stood
Of living fossils and elephants
Where lions roar and springbok herds leap

This is the place of struggle
Of desert plains and thorn trees
Where pathways end and hunters track game
Of horizons and frontiers
Where journeys start and sunsets bleed red

This is the place of freedom
Of exploration and pioneers
Where darkness loomed and light saw us through
Of living legends and miracles
Where daybreak came and hope now shines bright

My heart is at home in Africa
Where the sound of drums beat in my chest
And the songs of time ring in my ears
Where the rainbow mist glows in my eyes
And the smiles of friends make me welcome

My mind is at ease in Africa
Where the people still live close to the soil
And the seasons mark my changing moods
Where the markets hustle with trading
And Creation keeps its own slow time

My soul is at peace in Africa
For her streams bring lifeblood to my veins
And her winds bring healing to my dreams
For when the tale of this land is told
Her destiny and mine are as one © 2006 Wayne Visser



....Ah yes, if only it was still like this ....

Dear Santa

Happy Hell-O-Ween

What's the difference ?

The country is run autocratically, with the voting population given very limited actual say over the running of the country. The disenfranchised population outnumbers those who have the "right to vote" many times to one. Millions of migrant workers have left poverty striken areas to work in the cities with streets of gold.

These workers fill lowly manual labourer positions, doing jobs that those who run the country refuse to do. These same migrant workers have very few rights and are frequently subject to basic human rights violations by those in power who are often above the law. They are paid poverty datum line wages and are treated far worse than the pampered pooches of their "bosses".

Crammed , sardinelike, into "hostels" or "labour camps" with less than basic amenities, some resort to sleeping on rooftops and the street or to timesharing their beds. They are separated from their families for months/years at a time - wives and children are not allowed. If wives are generously given work, they live in rooms the size of a cupboard, are not allowed to have their children or husbands with them and are expected to work all hours of the day and night. These women babysit the "madams" babies and, in many cases are the primary caregiver - virtually bringing them up.

Workers are threatened with "deportation" if they complain or question their treatment as there are many, many more who would be grateful to have these jobs because their homelands are wracked with poverty and disease. It is so easy to take advantage of these desperate people, and expect them to be grateful in return.

However, crime is low because punishment is swift and harsh. Lower castes are herded into their camps at night and those found wandering in affluent neighbourhoods are treated with suspicion by the police force who keep good law and order through fear of consequences. The economy booms because of natural resources that are sought after and prices are high. Tourists enjoy the rapidly growing attractions - huge hotel cities are built purely for their pleasure. They are safe and their pounds/dollars go far - they can live in luxury undreamt of in their home countries.

Slowly resentment and envy creep into the psyche of those at the bottom of the feeding chain. As prices rise, unaffecting the upper echelons, reports begin of petty crime - the theft of some bicycles, shoplifting, handbag and purse snatching. The powers-that-be decide that, in order not to panic tourists and the wealthy, newspapers should adhere to the adage that "less (reporting) is more".

More and more incidents of assault, rape and murder take place. Animal cruelty increases, beggars and scammers proliferate - despite efforts to keep them curbed. People are disillusioned with the overcrowded, stressed "golden" cities and become more aggressive and depressed. Suicide rates increase, alcoholism increases and drugs become a serious problem.

I've just realised .... I don't know if I am writing about the UAE or South Africa ....
Is there a lesson to be learned ?

I got a brand new blog .....

How many times have you seen an article or comment and thought :
"I wish I had said that!"
Well, these are some things I wish I had said -
and because someone else said them before I did,
I will do them the great honour of quoting them on this site
so millions (!!) of people can read what they did say and
what I wish I had said .....!!

http://iwishihadsaidthat.blogspot.com/

Go and have a look - and let me know what you think .......

I want an MP3 ... Player Plaper Paper

This was an advertising leaflet we recently received :

AN MP3 PLAYER BECAME .....

AN MP3 PLAPER, WHICH BECAME .....

AN MP3 PAPER!!

What's in a name?

First "french fries" became "freedom fries"
Then "danish pastries" became "cinnamon and raisin pastries" and "great danes" became "large horse-like dogs" (not really, but it COULD have happened!!)
Now, "pizza's" have become "elastic loaves" ... elastic loaves??!!

TEHRAN, Iran - Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has ordered government and cultural bodies to use modified Persian words to replace foreign words that have crept into the language, such as "pizzas" which will now be known as "elastic loaves," state media reported Saturday.

Mmmm, I wonder what is next ..... well, you know that Coca Cola directly translated into Chinese is "Bite the wax tadpole" ...

So, how about an elastic margaretha loaf with a wax tadpole and freedom fries?

Ah.... this crazy world of ours!

Clothes maketh the (wo)man - Re-post

Okay, we have reached the highly un-PC subject of the National Dress of the UAE. I am sure you all know and recognise the long black coat-like dress (abaya) and the head scarf(shayla) that the women wear. (As seen here, being worn by the blue-eyed infidel – Dear Moi and DD who could easily pass for one of Arab descent!)

Although abaya’s are basically black and basically shapeless, you would be amazed at the number of variations you see. Hemlines, cuffs and necklines are exquisitely embroidered and beaded – making each one a fashion statement in a subtle but very clear way. Some have a small train which drags along the filthy pavement, but most are about ankle length. This means that the ladies have carte blanche to decorate their feet with the most exquisite (and expensive!) shoes oil money can buy!

The other “must-have” accessory is a highly decorated Prada or Gucci or similarly over-the-top handbag.

Shayla’s are mostly black, but we have seen them in every other colour as well. Some are patterned, some fringed, some even have pom pom’s hanging around the edges! Women are constantly fiddling with and flicking their shayla’s – much like European women fiddle and flick their hair! We have seen shayla’s that leave the face uncovered, some that leave just the eyes uncovered and some that cover the entire face. The women have become very adept at eating and drinking and talking on cellphones whilst wearing the face-covering shayla’s. A Macdonalds hamburger is tucked under the chin part, thereupon follows some wiggling and squirming and viola (!) out pops the empty wrapper!

I feel most sorry for the babies who never get to see their mother’s face once outside the home. No smiling, winking or contortions of the mouth that normally accompany a mommy talking to her little one.

Some of the most devoted Muslim ladies wear elbow length black gloves and thick black stockings as well. And one of the most perturbing accessories I have seen is the burqa which is a stiff leather mask which covers eyebrows, nose and mouth – much like those awful braces some teenagers are unlucky enough to have to wear. The first time we saw one of these, on an elderly lady, I felt terribly concerned for her, believing that she must have been in a terrible accident and was wearing some sort of corrective headgear! They remind me of a horse’s bridle and I cannot see how these awful things can be considered anything other than gross. But, to each his/her own, I suppose.

Ladies who don’t have to cover their hands with gloves, often have them ornately decorated with henna painting. Each finger then also sports a flashy, flamboyant ring which glitters and glistens as the hands express what the face cannot. Feet are often also decorated and look very fetching in sexy high-heel sandals - another post for another day.

You know, we Westerners may feel that the abaya and shayla are offensive symbols of oppression, and maybe in certain parts of the world, they are. But I figure, anything that can cover you up when you are having a feeling-fat, bad hair, no makeup kind of a day, can't be all THAT bad!!

Looks Like We Made It ....Our Lulu Anniversary

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missin'

DH and I celebrated our wedding anniversary last week -

30 years together

- our Pearl anniversary (get it? ... pearl in Arabic is lulu ....)

When we got married, there were many family and "friends" who were convinced, and had no qualms telling us, that we would never make it. Different backgrounds, different social status (I married the boy from the wrong side of the motorway), different looks (me a deb, he .... well, even my mother said : But, he is sooo ugly), different goals (I was off to see the world, he just wanted to be an aircraft mechanic), different interests (I love reading, ballet, theatre - you know, larney stuff, and he lives for car racing and wrestling), different manners (I please and thank you all over the place and he calls a spade a fu*king spade), different personalities (I'm the standoffish, non verbal type and he is the touchy, feely, let's talk type) in fact, even our differences are different!!

But, in spite of them - or maybe BECAUSE of them - we took the plunge and now it looks like we made it!

The word love doesn't even begin to cover how I feel about him after a third of a century of being with him. I respect, admire, treasure and cherish him. He truly is my rock, my very best friend and the only living human being that understands even an nth of my quirks and idiosyncrasies. He found me and then helped me to find myself. He is strong and sensitive, fiercely protective and doesn't hesitate to defend me in any situation.

Make no mistake, he drives me crazy often and intensely - he drives like Michael Schumaker on speed, his "Latin" temper has gotten us into some fairly hot water, he burps and farts - often and loudly!, he is beyond stubborn, his socks smell, , he slurps his soup ... and his coffee ... and his drinks ...he has no sense of colour co-ordination with his clothes, and ... and ... and

So, although he will probably never read this (he doesn't read much!), this is my homage, my tribute to this gentle giant of a man with his dauntless spirit - I appreciate him and am so grateful that he stuck with me through this rollercoaster of life and every day I wonder how I could have got so lucky as to pick the very very very best one of the bunch.

More Restaurant Fare

How to ruin good baked beans!!

Restaurant Fare

Does this mean the lamb is really really really underdone?

Some SerIOUS Bling!!

testing again

what is going on with the internet ???

Look what came through AD Airport customs ....

The Good, the Ugly and the Really Really Bad

I bought some little round brown fruits from a fruit vendor who informed me that they tasted like lychees, only sweeter. I was the only one brave (or stupid) enough to try them and they are obviously more closely related to quinces!! My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth and my throat felt like I had swallowed some of the desert sand. DH and DD both got sore stomachs - from laughing at my puckered mouth. Tomorrow I am going back to that fruit vendor to teach him a few choice Afrikaans swear words! (I am still drinking water and trying to speak normally).

It took all our courage, but we did actually try one of the strange new fruits - dragon fruit. A beautiful, appetizingly bright pink fruit, the size of a grapefruit, with pure white flesh and tiny black pips. One cost us a fortune, but we felt it was worth it because it looked so delicious. We cut it up and munched - and spat out! It tasted of absolutely NOTHING. Like chomping on polystyrene. It obviously spent all its energy on looking good and forgot about taste (mmm, sounds like some people I know!). So much for dragon fruit - yech.

The latest epicurian (eating) misadventure is a durian ...

A durian is a prickly, pawpaw sized fruit and this is what they say about them on the Internet :

"Tastes like apple and banana custard, with a texture between custard and porridge. Creamy and yummy. "

There are many internet sites devoted to durians, including poetry written about them... are you starting to get suspicious? Well, not me, yet. In some countries, you are not permitted to transport them on public transport or into hotels because of their smell .... does that make you want to rush out and try one? Well, I did ....

They lie!! Durians do not have a smell - they have a STENCH, which can be described as : a sewer full of rotting pineapples, skunks, decaying rotten eggs - well, you get the picture.

I just HAD to try it - I paid Dh40 (!!) for one, transported it home in DH's new car - which now has a semi-permanent smell of dirty nappies, cut it open and infused the entire house with it's whiff (which is actually visible - floating on the air!!) and actually scraped out the slimy, squashy insides and ate it.

Before we go any further, let me give you some Life Advice - Wherever you are, whatever you do, don't ever, and I mean EVER !!! eat a Durian. Don't listen to what people say about it smelling bad, but tasting good - it tastes worse than it smells.

Today I found a truthful description which says that they taste like a mixture of Stilton cheese, bananas, garlic, whiskey, honey and various other unmentionables. Now, that is closer to the truth. Why would anyone want to each such a thing? I think they should bottle the smell and use it to bomb the enemy - any war would be over in a matter of minutes.

I know what you are thinking - why does she not learn? Stop trying those weird fruits and vegetables. But, just the names, like rambuttans, mangosteens, chikoos, sound so exotic and conjure up images of faraway, mysterious lands .... and so DM is caught again and again and again.

Deja View

The next couple of posts were on my blog previously, but were lost when I revamped the blog. I want to make sure that all the posts are definitely on, so if you (as an "old" reader) have read these posts already - I apologise, there will be new ones soon...... promise!!

Where are all the sick people?

A recent report stated that every company will now have to employ 2 disabled persons on their staff. I think this is a superb idea, but .... I wonder where they are going to get all these disabled persons? Truthfully, when last did you see a cripple, or a blind person, or an amputee or someone in a wheelchair, or anyone with a physical or mental disability? I have been here almost 2 years and in all that time, I have seen one person in a wheelchair and yesterday saw someone who obviously had Downs Syndrome.
I haven't even seen anyone with a broken leg or arm, or even anyone with a bandage - the most "disabled" person I have seen had a plaster on his forehead where he hit his head on a cupboard.
So, where are all the disabled people? In fact, where are all the old people too? Don't see many of them around either.
What happens to you when you get old or hurt?
Okay, I presume that old, sick, disabled expats are shipped back to their countries, but surely UAE residents suffer from age and accidents, just like the rest of us humans? Or is it really a country populated with only rich and beautiful people?
OMG, I am so old and fat and ugly, I guess MY time will soon be up .........

Oh, I have just seen this article on another blog - great minds must think alike!!
http://secretdubai.blogspot.com

Talking Dates ... again ...

I have discovered dates ... not the hard, compressed bricks that we are used to - but fresh, sweet and succulent. There are many different types of dates - depending on the country they are from. ("Experts" tell me the best are from Syria or Lebanon). Here they are served plain as an appetiser to stave off hunger, raw, stuffed with nuts and various other stuffings, in cold food, in hot food, as a syrup (VERY yummy! Try it!!), as a flavouring for milk (not bad) and as ingredients in many sweets and desserts. We even had date tea at the Emirates Palace Hotel - As a total tea hater, it converted me - YUMMMMMY. I am sure if the country was not so anti-alcoholic, they would find a way to make date wine .... now THAT sounds good!!

This time of the year the date palms are again pregnant with the promise of a bountiful crop of gold. (Wow! How's that for waxing lyrical....!!)

And, now I have discovered the ultimate date ... frozen. These delicious little bombs of ice cold sweetness are so addictive, someone is bound to ban them soon - so try them if you ever see them - and remember, you heard it HERE first!!

I really hate bloggers who start an interesting blog and suddenly just stop blogging - it is soooo irritating to click on one of "My Favourites" and see the same old same old day after day.

And now, I have become one of them - a non-blogging blogger!!

Well, I did try a couple of times to update, but .... after battling for an inordinate amount of time to actually get into the bloody blog (see, I couldn't remember HOW to get in, and then couldn't remember my user name OR password...!!! Ho hum), well, then I just sat there looking at the blank page, wondering : Is this how exciting my life has become - a complete blank - that I find boring, nevermind anyone else.

Then I thought I would put up a couple of photos - at least then I wouldn't have to ACTUALLY write anything .... really really REALLY cannot remember how the hell to get photos onto the blog. Aw shit!

Anyhooo, I am determined to rejoin the blogging community SOON, so don't lose hope ....
I VILL BE BUCK!!

Miss Communication

So, as you know, we went back to South Africa - taking our newly learnt "Arabic" with us ...

There are now more than a couple of Saffers muttering : "Up YOUR inch with a shalla". (And, co-incidentally, the hand sign that usually accompanies Inshallah means a**hole in SA!!

And "tomorrow" has become an acceptable, actual length of time - almost as long as the South African "just now".

And now, back in the desert ...

Imagine the petrol jockey's face when DH leaned out the window and said "Woza Nkosi"... priceless!!

When you drive past a car and the driver grins and says "Jou bliksem" - it is NOT actually a compliment, just us swearing at you!

Been there and back ....

Just got back from the Motherland – went home for Christmas for the first time in over a year. Thought you might like to know what I thought – I began comparing “home” with “home” and this is what I found :

- Entering the country through customs :
UAE : We were greeted with a sullen grunt of “Hmmpf, passport!” and sent on our way with “Go!”
South Africa : We were cheerily greeted with toothy grins and “How are you? Welcome to South Africa, where are you visiting? Enjoy your stay.”

- On feeling safe and comfortable :
UAE : We finally relaxed and began to believe in the inherent good of people whose sole purpose was NOT to rob, murder or rape us.
South Africa : Within moments, our paranoia (justified by previous bad experiences) returned – we clutched our bags tighter, looked around suspiciously, were unable to leave any possessions unattended for even mere minutes, we locked and double locked car doors, hotel doors and luggage padlocks.

- Cars and traffic :
UAE : Traffic jams and snarl ups on a daily basis, but somehow, apart from the fools in the fast lane, most people patiently sit and wait their turn and let others pull in front of them (although, mostly, you don’t have an actual choice in this!)
South Africa : Traffic jams and snarl ups on a daily basis, most people turn on the road rage when they turn the car key. Drivers are belligerent, confrontational and use swearwords and zap signs far more than they use their hooters.

- Litter and pollution :
UAE : We have always remarked on how clean the streets and parks are – people walk or picnic or sit among the gardens and leave only their footprints when they leave.
South Africa : Streets and parks are littered with every conceivable type of rubbish, from plastic bags, cans, and bottles to garden rubble and dead animals. Trees and flowers are routinely destroyed just for fun. Concrete benches, rubbish bins and street signs are an invitation to prove how strong you are as you reduce them to rubble. Every surface is covered in ugly graffiti.

- Dress :
UAE : With the occasional exception of mutton-expat grannies trying to dress as young lambs, most ladies dress with a certain amount of decorum and respect.
South Africa : Sitting and people-watching in one of the malls, we could not believe that parents allow their daughters out in public wearing the skintight, microshort, low cut outfits we saw. But then, lots of the mothers were wearing them too. Watching people go up escalators and glass lifts was like receiving free biology lessons – not much left to the imagination!

- Television :
UAE : Strict censorship feels restrictive and irritating, but …South Africa : Talking about free biology lessons – just watch some of the soap operas – you won’t have to give the “birds and bees” talk to your kids – it is graphic and very realistic and all in “family viewing time”.

Conclusions :
Yes, distance DOES lend enchantment to the view – nostalgic memories are fuzzy and warm and leave out the harsher realities.
Yes, South Africa DOES treat tourists with more warmth and friendliness.
Yes, South Africans ARE more friendly and warm than Emiratis who, at times, seem quite hostile.
Yes, people in the UAE have a far stricter moral code, which I, personally, think holds more promise for the future than the “everyone-can-do-as-they-please” attitude.
Yes, it was nice to see naturally-growing trees and shrubs that were not planted in strict military rows and shorn and shaved to the exact same shape and specification.
Yes, it was extremely irritating to be swamped at every traffic light by vendors, sick, lame and lazy beggars and all kinds of suspicious looking loiterers.
Yes, it was a shock to have to empty your wallet, max out your credit card and promise the soul of your firstborn just to fill up with a tank of petrol.
Yes, it was very pleasant (to say the least) to come back and find our cars where we had parked them, and our house intact – not a common experience lately in SA.

So, I have decided my heart is where my home is – whatever country that may be – as long as DH and DD are there – but, my soul will always be African – there really is a kind of magic that you can never lose.

But on the other hand .....

Following on from my previous post ...

On the other hand - There is a patriotic spirit here that most countries would wish their citizens had - flags fly proudly on buildings, bicycles, cars, trucks, even overhead cranes. Pictures and photos and mozaics of sheiks, past and present, are literally on every corner and in stores, houses and cars.

On the other hand - The Moslem people have such a strong belief that they staunchly uphold their customs through ridicule, ignorance, uncomfortable praying positions, early morning rising, fasting, temptations from those with less moral fibre.

On the other hand - Abu Dhabi goes to enormous lengths to beautify main roads and gathering places. Trees, shrubs, grass and pot plants are laboriously planted out by hand and nurtured daily - some of the most beautiful and lush sidewalks I have seen in the world - here in the baking desert!

On the other hand - I love the fact that you can watch tv without having to sit through hours of inane adverts for anything from washing powder to airlines. (But the number of adverts seems to be creeping up daily - pity!)

On the other hand - It is a dream come true not to have continuous power cuts - with the ever increasing demand, they seem to have got the supply/demand conundrum solved.

On the other hand - What a pleasure to drive without spotting (a) dozens of dazed and lost pets and (b) dozens of squashed and dead pets on the road. (I'm not sure how they solve this, and I am not sure I WANT to know - a case of out of sight etc.)

On the other hand - I am shocked and embarassed by the way some non-Locals dress in public, treat others, get drunk etc. So I am not surprised at a certain amount of resentment and disgust - they disgust ME too!

On the other hand - I am constantly in awe at the amazing things that have been created here, with or without expat expertise! I know that if this oil had been found in Africa, the profits would have been selfishly sucked up by those in power, with no thought of spreading the wealth amongst the people. Here, it seems, everyone gets a share.

On the other hand - Surprise, surprise, we've come to love our new home - it has its faults - what country doesn't - but good outweighs bad so far, and one day when we leave, a little bit of our hearts will be left here.

My reply to your replies

Just gotta say :

Yup, I am white, I am South African and I am quite broad too - good guess!!

So you are telling me :

When you walk in the street, people smile, look you in the eyes and greet you (well they DO in some parts of the world) ....

When you (as an expat) sit all alone in a cafe or on the beach or at a club, other expats smile at you and ask if you would like to join them .... (The only expat I know who has done this, is ME!)

That furry long tailed rodent I saw trying to get up the steps was a .......???
Those brown scuttling insects that stream over the pavements are NOT cockroaches??

That schooling is cheap, housing is cheaper and you are saving as much as you thought you would? Please let me know your secret ...

That people here allow you to go first out of a door, or, if not, they hold it open until you have passed through... yeah right! That, if YOU hold the door for THEM, they say thank you ... yeah right!

And, finally, that you found things here just as you thought- If you did, then you must have had someone telling you things like : "It's a beautiful country, but ..." or "The Locals might seem distant at first, but ..." or "What seems barbaric to one person may seem normal to others and will take time to get used to" ................... and THAT is all I ask - be proud of your country and what you have achieved, but also have the guts to be honest and help others be more prepared for reality, then they won't feel so disappointed.

LET'S BE HONEST ...

Warning : This post contains negative obsrvations which be harmful to sensitive viewers. And if you have any intention of telling me to pi** off back to my own country - a bit of advice - DON'T BOTHER.

I think I have been here long enough, and have experienced enough to be qualified to start being honest about life in this giant sandpit. I wish someone had been honest enough before I came out, to stop looking at life here through sugar-coated, palm fronded glasses, maybe then, when reality bit, I would have been a bit more prepared.

Let's be honest : The European(ish) expats are not friendly and encouraging and helpful and dying to include you in their little cliques. They actually wish you (and your newbie enthusiasm) would leave them in peace to admire their latest gold charm bracelets or Gucci handbags.

Let's be honest : The Locals (Arabs) have a superiority complex (as if they actually created the oil), are REALLY not friendly and they are not glad that YOU are in THEIR country - as far as they are concerned, you are here taking their money and they wouldn't bat an eyelid if you just evaporated into the heat haze. They can BUY plenty more like you.

Let's be honest : The people that are left - Indian, Phillipino, etc - are the only ones who will smile and greet you, and that is mainly because you have the power to hire or fire them, so they are just brown-nosing you anyway!

Let's be honest : You might be earning mega-bucks, but you are going to be spending MEGA-bucks - essentials like rent, food, clothes, schooling, books are all going to erode the "millions" before you can say : "F*ck, prices are high".

Let's be honest : The magnificent skyscrapers and glittering malls are only the facade to a crumbling, stinking, rat-ridden, cockroach infested inner city which is swimming in gobs of spittal and decaying vegetables.

Let's be honest : There is no crime according to statistics, because nobody is going to report it - what's the use if the weak and voiceless are the victims and the well-connected and wealthy are the perpetrators.

Let's be honest : People here do not place a high value on other people, animals or property. Rudeness and arrogance abound, most are selfish and oblivious of anyone else's comfort or discomfort - they blow smoke in your face and your food, they use two or three parking spaces at once, they push in, they hawk and gag and spit within inches of you, they don't keep appointments or promises or guarantees. Cruelty to animals - wild and pets - is the norm and is almost a national sport. Cars are routinely scratched, sat on, bumped into and dented, whether accidentally or on purpose.

Let's be honest : Customer service is an unheard of art - and the quality of most goods means returning to the shop at least a couple of times. If you are lucky they will grudgingly send the item in for "repair" which takes 4 - 6 weeks. No such thing as an apology or compensation. And no such thing as a Consumer Council to help the ripped-off customers.

Let's be honest : There are very few camels in this part of the country - you will need binoculars to see one or two on the dunes. There are very few souks here - those that do exist sell mostly crappy Chinese plastic rubbish, no such thing as traditional Arabic crafts.

Let's be honest : Stallkeepers and shop-owners do NOT want to haggle - they certainly are not the eager, friendly merchants you think you are going to see. Mostly they completely ignore you, and don't really care if you walk away, but if they do rouse themselves, they will seldom good-naturedly barter with you, prefering instead to bark out the price in a "take it or leave it" tone.

Let's be honest : The desert loses it charm after a few hundred times dune-bashing, one can only take so much of the history and culture, the language is unintelligible and difficult to learn, the food is bland and boring - thank goodness for Indian, Italian and American.

Let's be honest : The grass does always look greener on the other side - maybe it's because of all the SH*T there!!

Ok, your turn now - tell me how wrong I am .....................

What I Have Learnt in the Last Year

Well, we have survived our first year in the sticks (well, the sand really) and even more amazing – the Arabs have survived US!! So, time to take stock, reminisce and see what (if anything) we have learnt ….

I have learnt that

* camel milk is best left for baby camels (camellettes)

* out of sight is definitely out of mind, or so it feels sometimes – people are obviously getting on with their own lives, but being so far away can sometimes feel soooo lonely

* taxi drivers with hair dyed red should be avoided at all costs – unless you really ARE suicidal

* lots of money certainly does not give you lots of class

* “mosque music” can actually grow on you and often sounds quite pleasant

* not all meat labeled “lamb” comes from actual baby sheep, sometimes it tastes like it could be baby iguana – Syria does not have delicious lambs

* South Africans are not the worst racists in the world

* small brown round fruits should be avoided at all costs – maybe they should be sent by the ton to New Orleans to soak up the flood water …

* STAY OUT OF THE UAE in summer
* STAY OUT OF DUBAI at rushhour
* STAY OUT OF THE FAST LANE when driving

* Abayas and shaylas are not only beautiful, but practical as well – but also damn hot

* Don’t eat before going dune-bashing in a 4 x 4!!!

* “Inshallah” and “tomorrow” are good all-round words to use often

… I am sure there are many many many more things I have learnt – I will add them as I think of them!

Movie Sub-titles

Most of the English movies shown on tv here have Arabic subtitles. Now, I find subtitles irritating at the best of times - I won't even consider going to a movie with them because I am so busy concentrating on the bottom of the screen, I usually miss all the actual action above.

But you have no choice on the tv screen.

My points are :

How can it take three lines of Arabic to translate the words :"Yeah, ok"
Sometimes the Arabic squiggles take up almost the whole screen.

Then, if you are watching a non-English, non-Arabic film, you have the English translation with the Arabic translation superimposed on top. So nobody can understand anything!!

What are they translating when music is playing and nobody is talking?
"La la la di da doh..."

And, for goodness sake - what are they translating when a horse neighs or a dog barks?
"Horse says .. bhrrr" or "Dog barking in shrill voice" ????

Let there be light ...

One of the most impressive mosques in Abu Dhabi is the Sheikh Zayed Bin Sultan Al Nahyan mosque which is named after the late Sheikh and is very hard to miss. It is considered one of the biggest mosques in the world and covers 22 000 square metres.

And now - according to the Khaleej Times newspaper, the world's largest chandeliers, worth $8million will be installed at this mosque. They will consist of Swarovsky crystals and the largest chandelier will be 25 metres in height, 10 metres wide and will weigh 9.5 tonnes!

So... size DOES count!

Women's Culture

DD and DM took a drive to the Women's Cultural Centre the other day. Here are some photos we took ....

At the entrance - couches and chairs covered in wonderful, handwoven fabric - in front of a magnificently carved door

A picture of the late Sheikh - made entirely of tiny beads -

an absolute masterpiece!

... and the gorgeous DD is a masterpiece too!

Inside, we found a bevy of ladies beavering away making baskets

How to make a stunningly beautiful young girl look like a horse!

Or Goucho Marx!

The other side of the Emirates Palace Hotel

You know that larney hotel near the Marina Mall in Abu Dhabi - the fancy one we have all been dying to have a peak at. Well, fortune smiled on the "Lulu" family and we were able to gatecrash ...

Like typical "niks gewoond" tourists, we gazed and gasped and gawped ... and snapped photos of anything that moved (or didn't move, too)

We were even stunned at what was in the basement parking - rows and rows of sparkling, brand new BMW's, Merc's and even Bentleys (or were they Rolls Royces?) DH couldn't tell me - he had tears streaming down his face at the time and his tongue was hanging on his tie, so he couldn't speak!

One floor had all white cars, the next floor had all black and a third had all silver! (I think they are part of the hotel deal where you get a chauffeur driven car as part of the stay).

We took the obligatory photos of the chocolate pudd with actual, real, proper GOLD LEAF on it, and the ice bar - made of actual, real, proper ICE!

You really know you are a peasant when you are so overwhelmed that you take photos of the toilet signs, the toilet doors and the washbasins!

But, what are you when you sneak a piece of toilet paper into your handbag to show them folks back home - 'cause it is so thick and so soft????

I've got PMS today

... and in case you don't know what PMS is, it is Putting up with Men's Shit.


A recent scientific study found that women find different males attractive, depending where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating, she will prefer a man with rugged masculine features.

When she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol, set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump jammed up his a**.

Yup, got a bad case of PMS today - can't live with them and now we can't kill them either!

Wanna eat ME?

A new shop has opened in the local mall - some kind of artsy fartsy bubblebath and handcream shop, much like the Body Shop. DD andDM of course had to investigate this new kid on our block.

Well, they had all the usual fruity / vegetable facemasks etc - so you can cleanse your face with a cucumber mask, then slather on some basil and papaya cleanser, followed by a refreshing dose of lemon and strawberry toner and finally some kiwi and mango moisturizer. So, all in all you can smell like a fruit salad (or a Caeser salad, it's your choice!)

All well and good, but then we spied something that was strange - even for us!! Tomato flavoured handcream, zucchini flower spritzer and mushroom handbalm. Now, who the hell wants to smell like a freaking tomato - eeww, secondly : what on earth does a bloody zucchini smell like? Does anyone know ... does anyone WANT to smell like that?? Ok, and finally, mushrooms grow in shit and have a musty, rotten, shitty smell - who would want a handbalm that smelt like that?

Wait ... it gets better .... (cue dramatic music .... ta ta ta ta)

DD called DM over to look at a bottle of Hotdog shampoo....

No way !!! You've got to be kidding ... it even has a picture of a dog on a hotdog bun on the bottle. Imagine your lustrous tresses blowing gently in the breeze, and reeking of hotdogs.

But, then they slightly (ever so slightly!) redeemed themselves ... it was actually dog shampoo ... you know, so you can have a "hot" dog!!

Mmmm, methinks the world done gone crazee!!

So, how many DATES have YOU eaten????

Me, well I must admit there are some dates I would not eat : 25th December seems a bit inedible, and 22nd January would probably give you indigestion, but all other dates seem ok, what do you say??

Then, of course I would never eat a date on the first date - convent bred and all that!

But, I do LOVE fruit dates (no, not fruity dates with limp wrists)

What am I going on about ??????

I LOVE DATES !!!

Well, I told you that the date palms here are laden with the most delicious, tempting fruit and I have had to literally slap myself to stop myself from plundering the roadside palms and scoffing their fruits. (Was not, and am still not, sure if one could be arrested/beheaded/deported for such wanton acts of greed and depravity!)

But, then one day, after driving past miles and miles and miles of the golden sun-ripened dates, I threw caution to the wind (ha, what wind?), pulled over, leapt out of the car and grabbed myself a couple of handfuls of the dates. (Who could resist??) I scuttled back into the car and surveyed my treasure - they were about the size of my thumb, golden on top and dark brown on the bottom. Eeww, first problem - the brown bottom bit was all squishy and soft - nice from far, but far from nice. Ok, so I ignored the bottom half and proceeded to munch on the tasty yellow bit at the top. EEWW blechh, second problem - it was hard and crunchy like an apple and tasted like .... well, not sure what....., but definitely NOT GOOD!! I spat out the half chomped bits and hurled the rest out of the car window.

I wondered where I had gone wrong - maybe they need to be processed, like olives, before being edible. I asked one of the local guys the next day. He slowly shook his head and said : "No madam, you not eat dates on side of road, they for camels only!" Yup, I had been munching the inedible dates which they feed to the animals! Of course, DH and DD have had a field day with teasing me about THIS experience!!



Little footnote :
In Islam it is forbidden to eat two dates (or cherries, or similar things) at the same time, and if you do, you must ask permission first!

BLOODY BLOGGERS BLOCK

Sorry fans (er, fan!) have had a severe, non-contagious (I hope) case of Bloggers Block - couldn't think of a single interesting thing to say ... You know, when you begin your blog, you have grandiose visions of millions of readers worldwide glued to the small screen, devouring your every enthralling word - so you ramble on and on and on. The next step is when you realise that nobody really cares what you did on a daily, hourly or nano-secondly basis - in fact, you even bore yourself into a coma.
So, had a small hiatus, gathered myself towards myself and now .... I'M BAAACK!!
Hee hee hee - be warned!!
See ya all soon ................

Replying to comments

OK guys, if you send me an anonymous comment and ask that I contact you, ummmm please make sure there is an address that I can reply to ... saves me having to sift through the heap of entries in my blog trying to find out which one you commented on! I aint got the time, energy or inclination to do that!!

If you are sending me any kind of advertising in my comments section, take note - I don't want my penis enlarged or my breasts reduced, I don't have acne or any other social disease, I AM NOT GOING TO CONTACT YOU ..... SO PISS OFF !!

Thank you, over and out, and good night!!

DD's value goes up

An article in a recent newspaper regarding a camel auction :

Male camel fetches Dh680,000 at auction THAT'S OVER A MILLION RAND!!

Abu Dhabi: A male camel was yesterday sold for Dh680,000 (US $185,286) in an auction during the Abu Dhabi International Hunting and Equestrian Exhibition 2005.

About a hundred people attended the auction yesterday. Thirty-five camels were sold to traders who saw it as "an opportunity of a lifetime" and a great "bargain".

--- Well, the next wizended up old goatherder who offers me a couple of camels for DD's hand in marriage will be accepted so quickly, his head will spin. Man, are we gonna be RRRRRIIICCCHHH!! DD where are you ....?? DD?? DD??

Disease Toys

Ok, I know this has nothing to do with the UAE, but I was so flabbergasted (!) when I saw this, I just had to share .....

Giant Microbes plush toys. Now available: The Common Cold, The Flu, Sore Throat, Stomach Ache, Cough, Ear Ache, Bad Breath, Kissing Disease, Athlete's Foot, Ulcer, Martian Life, Beer & Bread, Black Death, Ebola, Flesh Eating, Sleeping Sickness, Dust Mite, Bed Bug, H.I.V. and Hepatitis).
http://www.giantmicrobes.com/

You must have a look .... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hinglish strikes again

I drive a hired car and the mileage is almost 35 000 and is starting to make strange engine sounds. DH suggested that I contact the car hire agency and check when it needs to go for a service, which is usually done at 35 000km as you get fined by them if you do not bring it in for service on time - DH also suggested I speak to Mohammed, who is quite clued up. So today I called them :

Morning, xxx car hire
Morning, is that Mohammed?
Yeeees Madam
Mohammed, I have one of your cars and I think it needs a service
This car hire
Ok, but can you tell me if my car needs to go for service
Shurvice?
Service
Slurvish?
Service, maintenance, fix up
Yes Madam it's fixed up
No, car maybe need fix up
You have smash?
No not smash, need you to look at it
Looking at smash?
No, look at engine
Engine smashed?
No, car make noise, go agh agh agh
Madam, you ok? You need doctor?
Mohammed, can I speak to someone else
No Madam, I not Mohammed, I Ishmael, you want speak to Mohammed?

All Aboard for Al Ain

Ahh.... Al Ain - going there made me feel homesick for South Africa .....
You know - all those high walls with barbed wire and electric fences.

The question is : are they keeping people OUT or are they keeping people IN??

Culture Shock continues .....

Are you still reading??

So, who gets this disease ?
Not everyone will get it to the same degree, some suffer greatly and some suffer lightly. Some people bounce back and forth between the different stages and some people skip a stage altogether and/or repeat stages later. It is important to remember that different members of your family will be at different stages as well.

But just about anyone who lives for some time outside their own country will experience some of these stages.

What are the symptoms ?
Symptoms are very similar to those of depression :
* Sadness, loneliness, melancholy
* Preoccupation with health
* Insomnia, sleeping to much or too little
* Anger, irritability, resentment, unwillingness to mix with people
* Loss of identity
* Feeling of inadequacy or insecurity
* Trying too hard to absorb the new culture
* Unable to solve simple problems
* Lack of direction, motivation or confidence

When does it start and how long does it last?
The onset can vary from a few weeks to months after arriving in a new country.

Minimizing culture shock :
* Settle down as quickly as possible in your own home. Act as if you were going to live there forever
* Make your new home as homely as possible - photographs, mementos, reminders of home
* Be open to new ways
* Be patient
* Be constructive, try not to compare - criticize - complain
* Keep busy, but take time to relax
* Maintain contact with your home country - newspapers, email, etc. This will give you a feeling of belonging and reduce homesickness
* Increase contact with the new culture. Volunteer for community activities/charities
* Allow yourself to feel sad (grieve) for things that you have left behind - family, friends etc
* Try to join in, do not isolate yourself

So, now that we are all suicidal, I promise a lighterhearted entry tomorrow ....

Culture Shock........it REALLY exists!

OMG, I just read an article about culture shock and how they have scientifically proved that it exists. Well, they proved this in 1958 - but I have just found out about it!! (Late learner!!) ... So take your pep pills and your Red Bull and read what I found out ....

Before I impinge any copywright laws, let me tell you that it was Kalvero Oberg who identified five distinct stages of culture shock. He found that it was like a disease - it has a cause, symptoms and (yay) some cures.

I found the five stages very interesting, hope you will too ....

Stage 1 : The Tourist or Honeymoon Stage - Everything is exciting and new and cute and fun. You may have problems, but accept them as part of the new adventure. (Ah, I remember it well) ... I was intrigued by everything Arabic - religion, dress, food, language, history - I hauled tonnes of books home and could almost recite them. I trawled the internet and prepared for the magic carpet ride. When we got here, I saw amazing, interesting people who were even more mysterious because they couldn't speak English - how fascinating.

Stage 2 : Emptiness or Rejection Stage - By now, the fact that shops are closed just when you need to shop, that taxi drivers can't or won't understand you, that your food is considered sinful and only available behind curtains in certain shops is irritating, painful and certainly no longer cute. You no longer try to learn a few Arabic words, insisting instead that "they" should speak English like everyone else. When they don't, you are convinced they are talking ABOUT you, not TO you. You complain more and may even become aggressive. In this stage, expats seriously consider leaving, or resign themselves to staying.

Stage 3 : The Regression Stage - You find yourself going backwards and you spend more time speaking your home language, eating food from home and actively seek out fellow countrymen. You don't want to meet locals and don't care about their customs or heritage. Your home country suddenly seems wonderful and you may find yourself wondering why you ever left.

Stage 4 : The Integration Phase or Complete Adjustment - You have gained some understanding of the new culture or at least you learn to tolerate the cultural differences. You are now more adjusted. You may even find some things preferable to your home country. You have become more comfortable and relaxed about differences. You have learned to adjust, accept and adapt to your new country. You know that if you left, there are things you would miss.

Stage 5 : Reverse Culture Shock Stage or Re-entry Shock - Just when you feel at ease and well-adjusted, you return home and find that you are no longer as comfortable there as you remembered. Many things may have changed and it takes you a while to get used to home again. People have moved on with their lives and had experiences that you have not shared. You are no longer special and different, you are just another face in the crowd.

So, if like me, you feel like you are on a rollercoaster in the pitch dark, at least you know that many, many, many others have felt the same way - I am not going crazy (well, at least, not MORE crazy!!)

Tomorrow, I will go further into the symptoms and treatment of culture shock - (if you really want to know) ... this entry is far too long already .....

Some more interesting road signs ....

..... And also with you

Sometimes you get a bit irritated and frustrated with the customs and way of thinking here on the other side of the world, but sometimes they surprise you and make you long for a gentler time ......

Business Opportunities #2

Oooohhh wait, wait ... I found some more ....

4) Maid service :
You may have heard that I don't like housekeeping ... (to put it mildly) ... well, I admit it, I am one of those spoilt White South Africans that grew up with a nanny and a housemaid and a gardener etc etc. Cleaning a toilet bowl never did excite me. So, what to do now ......
Well, you are not allowed to hire anyone off the street, or recommended by a friend, or advertising on a Spinney's noticeboard - If you do, you have to register them with the Labour Dept giving reasons and details of their "qualifications" and stand as their sponsor (i.e. be liable for them) and provide airtickets home etc etc. Big palaver. You could try a "housecleaning service" - they will clean your house (for a price!) but their "maids" (who are actually men) may not specifially work for you on a permanent basis. HouseMAID services do not seem to exist here in AD, especially if you want to hire someone who lives in. Can't someone please just act as a kind of labour broker - put us employers in touch with them employees and them we can all be happy (and have clean houses!)

5) Get to know AD Tours :
How about getting someone to take newbies around AD to show them where to buy toilet paper and tomatoes and a hammer and videos, etc etc. Teach them how to get a taxi driver to take them where they want to go. Tell them the rules and rules and rules and rules about visas and blood tests and drivers licences.
Oh wait, that's MY new job ....... so take that one off your list - THAT opportunity has GOOONNNNEE!!!

Business Opportunies

In the past week I have vainly tried to obtain three services, which appear to be non-existent here in Abu Dhabi. So, if you have an entrepeneurial bent, here are some golden opportunities - I will be your first client.

1) Housing :
I have mentioned before that the housing situation in AD is appalling - disgusting hovels which are so in demand that annual rentals are the same as what people in the "normal" world would pay to purchase a decent size house. If you could build some decent sized (in other words - NOT 14 bedrooms, 20 bathrooms, 7 kitchens - who needs that!), decent priced, villa/house type abodes within easy reach of the city and the highway - you would be my hero.

1.1) Residential hotels :
If you can't manage the house thing, please look into building hotels where expats can stay in a home away from home type of accommodation. Hotels (notably, G*lf Hotel) prefer not to accept longterm bookings - opting rather for the short "get-them-in-and-out-asap" approach. Which leaves those who need time to find decent housing with no place to stay while doing so.

2) Limousines :
Ok, so we finally succumbed to the rich and famous lifestyle - looking to hire a limo in AD for an hour or two of site-seeing and having people gawk at us, wondering which famous people are inside. No such luck. In Dubai a limo will cost about Dh250 per hour for 8 people, and it costs the same in AD ... except ... the limo must come from Dubai - at a cost of Dh700. Making the total cost almost Dh1000 per hour!! Come to think of it, I haven't seen many (any!) limos here in AD - now I know why - not even a Sheikh could afford those prices. Man, there must some SAfrican oke who can weld a couple of 4x4's together and make a 16x16 for us to hire ... Com'on Boer ..... maak 'n plan ......

3) Dhow cruise :
Well, if we couldn't drive around AD, we decided we would float around it instead. Found one (the ONLY ONE) company advertised as providing dhow cruises and after searching and searching and searching for it, finally found the (nameless) restaurant outside which the dhow was "parked". Excitedly dashing up to said dhow - we found a motheaten, rickety, ramshackle excuse posing as a seaworthy vessel. The only access over the stagnant green water was along a 6 foot long splintery piece of wood which abutted onto the bottom step of a rotten wooden staircase which was missing at least two steps and part of the balustrade. Once on board, one was greeted with weatherbeaten wooden floorboards which definitely would not taken DM's weight (not that much WOULD, but that is another story!) and grimy plastic chairs which skittered from side to side as the "boat" drifted on the water.
Needless to say, we scampered off - leaving the crew still lying sleeping on the deck.

The alternative dhow cruise - more "upmarket" includes a dinner and waitress service, but for just cruising around looking at the lights, on what should be a tourist attraction - nothing!!

And talking of yummy .........

Found on the site below
http://www.muttawa.blogspot.com/

THE CORRECT WAY TO EAT AN ICE CREAM ...

A woman and her female friend were sitting on a bench in the Kingdom Mall, eating ice cream cones, when along came a muttawa, accompanied by a police officer. (You can always spot a muttawa by his beard, his thobe—the white gown worn by local men—that is always four or five inches too short, and a mien of profound hatred of all things different.) The muttawa approached the women, pointed a menacing claw, and hissed, "Don't lick it that way!"
Not being an authority on the subject, I can't with any confidence say there isn't a sura buried somewhere in the Qur'an covering the moral etiquette of licking ice cream. I suspect, though, the muttawa had wandered a bit beyond his moral jurisdiction.
"We just looked at each other," the woman told me. "I mean, how else are you supposed to eat an ice cream cone? You have to use your tongue, right? We just sat there and watched our ice cream melt until he wandered off.

And just as I was about to launch into a tirade ..... I spotted these on the supermarket shelf - right next to the toothbrushes!! And I thought to myself ... "Well, maybe there IS a RIGHT way to lick an ice cream after all ........"

Have a Break .......

I have mentioned before that many of the food products we were used to, can be found here, as well as different flavours of the ones we know. Case in point .... my favourite chocolate snack - Kit Kat. We are used to plain chocolate with biscuit, but look what we discovered here ....

These are Kit Kats with a liquid oozing out of it with every bite .... in delicious flavours of berry, mango/granadilla and orange. And, as if that was not enough .... my ALL TIME VERY VERY FAV FLAV .......................
C A R A M E L .... don't you just LOVE it ....

I just wish they came in THIS size ....

.... or maybe not ....

(I am already responsible for the economic profits of Kit Kat - about to become a shareholder!! I should get them to sponsor me .....!!!!!)

Makes you think ......

Extract from the site below, regarding censorship of advertising in Arabic countries.

http://creativebits.org/Visual_communication_crash_course

Words
Enjoy or exciting are words that can be interpreted as sexual descriptors therefore to be avoided. Words like create and greatest should be used with caution, since they are associated with God.

Arabic calligraphy is a very creative art, where words can be written down by an endless number of forms. One has to be careful how an innocent logo would be interpreted. At one point Coca-Cola was going to be banned in Saudi because if you read the script in the mirror it can be read as No Allah, No God, but eventually that decision was overruled.

Ooops - I forgot ....

Talking about driving - I forgot to mention the "hidden" speed cameras (everyone knows exactly where they are) and the speedbumps (also known as sleeping policemen and vaarthobbels - no, not fart hobbles!!)

These two well-intentioned traffic-calming concepts have taken on a new meaning on Abu Dhabi roads - commonly known as (1) test if you still have any brake pads left (2) test the reactions of the driver behind you and (3) see who can leave the longest skid marks and (4) see how fast your car can re-accelerate from 1 to 150kpm!!

So, if you want to see the underside of several cars at once, just be at the back of the queue when they get to the bumps or snaps!! Watch cars do wheelies on their two front wheels!!

And they said Abu Dhabi was boring ....!!!

Miss Daisy strikes again ....!!

Most of the roads in the UAE are in excellent condition - very few have bumps or potholes (unless they are digging them up for some or other construction project - which they do, often!!) And most of the main roads/highways are at least 3 or 4 or 5 lanes wide. And most of the roads are straighter than a dye (what the hell IS that??) And most of the roads are used by new(ish), well maintained, decent-engine-sized cars............................................

So WHY (!!!????##!!!) are the speedlimits so flipping ridiculous? If you were to polish up your halo and obey the law to the letter, you would be piddling along at the speed roughly equivalent to the speed of smell.

Four reasons : (1) To avoid having to pay the Arab-salary-sized, no-excuses-allowed fine (2) To avoid getting a "black mark" on my licence - as you are only allowed a certain finite number before you become licenceless, (3) To avoid DH smirking ".... guess who went a LITTLE BIT too fast and got a ticket .......?" and (4) To see how (s)low I could go .... caused me to decide that today I be good and obey all speed limit signs. And like the butterfly fluttering in South America, causing an earthquake on the other side of the world, my butt-numbing crawling caused mass disaster and consternation on roads throughout Abu Dhabi!

A speed limit of 120 or (more often) 100kpm on highways and main roads seems reasonable enough. However, travelling this (legal) speed in any of the three inside lanes may lead to you having a tyre imprint over your roof of one or more of the black, tinted-sightless-windowed, Sheikmobiles driven by Michael Schumachers trained on the Star Wars set - all they need for effect is a laserbeam to disintegrate slower cars that are travelling at less than warp-speed. They certainly are protected by a "Force" field - they will force you right off the road if you don't move quickly enough.

So in an 80kpm section, steering (what a pun!!) clear of the fastest lanes, we opt for the middle lane - safe at last to dawdle and amble along, admiring the scenery around us. No such luck - 80 is for sissies, and no one can accuse UAE drivers of being sissies!! Cars rocket up to your bumper, screech down from their 100-and-something speed, flash lights, hoot, swerve left, scrape past you and then swerve right - right in front of you - all in one sweeping choreographed motion, designed to scare you into moving faster next time. A magnificent move - both daring and threatening at the same time!

I reach a 40kpm zone (yes, that is not a misprint .... 40kpm!!!) - and my only option is to cleave to the extreme lane - extreme right, extreme slow, extreme boring, extreme time-consuming. Slight side track here .... the hand sign for insh'allah (meaning as God wishes) is to put all five fingertips together, pointing upwards .... so, my question is ... what does it mean when a truckdriver puts all five fingertips together and points them DOWNwards??? Whilst at the same time mouthing what can only be obscenities?? 'Cause that's what they did - I was driving so slowly, I could multitask, so there I was monitoring the rate the grass grows, watching butterflies skud past the car, picking my nose, reading my book, when one of them thar truckies screeched up to my rearend, flashed at me (his headlights!!), hooted and showed me the finger(s). I was stunned - I was doing the speed limit - in the slow lane - what more could anyone want??

I found out when I pulled over to let the Cowboy trucker pass - he was being tailed by a caravan of trucks, trailers and buses - all travelling at MY speed. Law says trucks may not overtake, so they were forced to dawdle along behind me - every one in first gear, spewing out clouds of smoke as they overheated and struggled to maintain such a ridiculous speed.

I suppose it could be worse ....

But I would prefer any of these ....

You are what you eat - (Re-post)

This is a loooong post, so don't lose heart ...

Another endless source of entertainment falls under the heading "Things we have eaten". Firstly, the eggs : You have never seen such bright ORANGE egg yolks as these. We always learnt that pale eggs were somehow less nuturitious than the brighter yellow ones. Well, by that token, these egg are the healthiest eggs on earth - they are almost day-glow orange! I made scrambled eggs for breakfast and DD wanted to know why we were having lumpy custard on toast! And the pancakes looked like radio-active UFO's!!

At first, we could not find any fresh cream, the only cream we could find was so thick, you could virtually use it for butter. And it comes in all kinds of different flavours - strawberry, banana and honey - no good for making cuppuccino's! We did eventually manage to find thinner, beatable cream in one or two shops.

There are deli counters in all the big shops and you can buy all kinds of cold meats and cheeses, from all over the world. Mostly we just stand and stare at the countries' names : Lebanon, Egypt, China, Greece, Italy, Libya, Sudan, India, etc etc. Prices are quite a bit higher than SA. Especially fruit and veg, obviously because it comes from the other side of the world, lots of foodstuff comes from Australia. There are hundreds of varieties of cheeses - some look like balls of string (and taste like it, too!), there are cheeses that are bland, salty, very very salty, bitter, herb covered, ash covered, chilli covered, you name it - they sell it. We have seen more varieties of olives than we dreamt existed (some the size of golf balls!) and dates and raisins from tiny to humungous. There are nuts of every shape, size, taste and colour (including pea-green and blood red.) Herbs and spices are sold from baskets and consist of leaves, seeds, stems, roots, paste, granules and globs that any South African witchdoctor would be in heaven to see. Pickles are a favourite and it seems that any fruit or vegetable is a candidate for pickling, including lemons, aubergines, turnips, cabbage and even eggs. Many fruits and veg are also dried and then sold - somehow, the wizened up, crinkled, rock hard, blackened lemons and oranges look so sad!!

The meat is very pricey, but it is virtually fatfree, so you can eat the entire cut. Meat also comes from all over the world, we found the most edible kind comes from Australia and New Zealand. We did try the Syrian and Lebanese "lamb", but when cooked it had a distinctly UN-lamblike flavour - and smelt like a camel's armpit, so we now boycott those countries' meat products. Alas - no pork or ham in the everyday shops, but you do get many types of "bacon" - turkey bacon, beef bacon and veal bacon - it is edible, but nothing tastes (or smells) like bacon bacon. We saw some macon on a menu the other day - WTF is MACON?? There are some really strange bits of animal for sale. I saw lamb balls, and I figured it must be a kind of meatball made from minced lamb ....no .... it is actually lamb balls! DH just cringed and turned pale when he saw them!! There are feet and tongues of every type of animal, and brains, cheeks, ears, even noses! We stick to chicken breasts, lamb chops and steak - bits we can recognise. Fish is quite cheap sometimes, it depends on what they catch that day. Prawns were very cheap the other day. They also sell crabs, mussels, clams, shark, cuttlefish and eels.

We have discovered an expat store which is more American and British than Arabic, and stocks some South African delicacies as well. We were delighted to find Milo, gherkins (at R34 for a small bottle!!) Deep Heat, Marmite (we had found chicken flavoured Marmite in the Arab mall - horrible and disgusting!!) and even the YOU, HUISGENOOT and SARIE magazines!! In a secluded area at the very back part of the store, with notices banning Moslems and warning customers that this section contained pork products, we found real bacon and, surprise, surprise, biltong (called bultung!!) and boerewors (actually called boerewors!!) I think the "bultung" was actually the dried up skin of a rhinoceros - tough as takkies and covered in chillies!!

There are some pretty strange looking fruits and vegetables : hairy lychies, bright white watermelons, knobbly cucumbers, metre long green beans, red pumpkin and other strange things that we are not sure whether they are actually fruits or vegetables. The only reason we know that they are for eating, is because they are in the vegetable section! We (read I) want to try them, but are afraid that we might end up munching the equivalent of a raw potato or onion, or cooking an exotic lettuce leaf instead of eating it raw. And just in case you think I am joking - there are many, many types of bananas - including the one which the fruit for eating raw and there is one that is a vegetable for cooking and using like a potato - so there! (PS - we even saw teeny tiny bananas, the size of a thumb!) They also sell banana flowers, stems and leaves!!

Then there are the mixed breeds, like the cross between an apple and a pear (DH likes these) - crunchy like an apple, but tastes like a pear, and is pale/white.

Compared to the puny sized fruit and veg in SA, the fruit appears to be genetically modified or fed on steroids - it all seems to have been supersized and/or handpainted. The grapes are the size of plums, the plums are the size of apples and the apples are .... anything from dark crimson red/black to translucent light pink and white. The oranges are the size of grapefruits, the grapefruits are the size of melons and the melons are .... well, just plain : huge! Many of the watermelons are perfectly round!!

They serve a lot of really fresh fruit juices and the other night we went to a fresh fruit juice bar and I had a green coconut with the top cut off. It was fun, but tasted like nothing. Just watery and slimy. DH had fresh mango and pineapple and DD had fresh strawberry and mango - both so thick they couldn't suck it up with a straw! They were lekker (yummy). Another restaurant offers a bowl of pomegranate seeds - which are munched as a fruit or sprinkled over meat like chutney!

Whilst out shopping, we treated ourselves to a cold fruit drink. DD chose a "Rainbow Blend of Pureed Fruits", which really looked spectacular - layers of pink strawberry puree, orange papaya, yellow banana, and green ...., well we weren't sure what the green layer was, but she bravely tried it. She couldn't figure out what it was, saying that it tasted familiar yet strange and the look on her face got more and more peculiar as she drank. I decided to try it and see if I could guess what it was ... it was pureed avocado pear!! In a fruit milkshake!! Well, needless to say, DD would not drink any more and went into a tirade about "people who drink eeew things!" (Actually, I don't think it was THAT bad ...!!)

And talking of strange flavours, at one restaurant we were served an appetiser of yoghurt in shot glasses with dates on the side. Neither DD nor DH would try it, but I did (will I never learn?) I had watched the people at the table next to us - they dunked their dates into the yoghurt and then swallowed the rest of yoghurt in one gulp. So, DM followed their example. Imagine my horror when the huge mouthFUL of yoghurt turned out to be SALTY, STINGY and WARM!! It was not the type of restaurant where you could spit on the ground (like the ones we normally go to ... ha, ha), so I had to close my eyes and try to force it down. The family couldn't understand my frantic hand movements signalling that I wanted ALL the rest of the dates immediately, nor could they understand the tears running down my cheeks and the slow shaking of my head. Or perhaps, they just didn't see - after all they were doubled over laughing!! It turned out to be yoghurt made from camel milk, and they serve it as a savoury, fermented to the "stringy" stage and at camel blood temperature! Yummy!!!

There are shelves and shelves of variations of honey - made from any flower or tree you can think of. They each have a unique flavour,and if that was not enough, they have honey with flavourings added. There is runny hunny (!), creamy honey, honey comb - you name it - they've got it. Even honey for waxing ladies' legs!!

Eating like a King

Just gotta tell you what happened tonite at one of the local restaurants ..... We were so hungry that the local camels were in great danger of being munched, so .....

For starters DH ordered a lentil soup, DD wanted haloumi cheese, and DM (as is my way ...) ordered two different starters - fresh asparagus spears (out of a tin) and shamoush cheese (?) - gotta try something new every time!! All of these, excluding the soup, are served on a queen size bed of lettuce, tomato, cucumber, green peppers etc. The soup is accompanied with a whole loaf of croutons and some sliced lemon (in lentil soup??)

Well, before the actual starters made it to the table, the "pre-starters" got there ... one dozen (12!) arabic breads, a shovelful each of green olives, black olives and gherkin-type things (salty - not sour) and one of those huge, marvellous do-it-yourself salads, consisting of a bunch (literally, still tied with string) of mint, a lettuce, three carrots, two tomatoes, two cucumbers, two lemons (! huh??) - all whole - and a partridge in a pear tree!!!! .... Ok, no partridge ....

And don't forget the two litres of water which is poured into goldfish bowl size glasses.

So, with the table groaning under the combined weight of what some entire countries eat in a month - our main courses arrived - two prawns and spaghetti and one grilled prawns. The main courses came on tray sized platters and included a mountain of rice, chips, peas, carrots, more salad and more lemon!! Arab hospitality at its best!

Unfortunately, the spaghetti and prawns were not very edible - a bit like ketties with rubber bullets (sorry, only SAfricans will understand that!) Now, DM would have just stayed quiet - in my usual shy and retiring manner(!), but DH had to complain to the manager, who was mortified that a customer had a problem. He assured us he would "sort the chef out" and off he flounced. Visions of him swatting the chef with a spoon!!

By that time, we had made some serious inroads into the Mount Everest of food and were feeling a bit like Tweedledum, Tweedledee and Tweedle-omg-my-trousers-dont-fit-anymore, when suddenly .........

tummm ta ta tummmm (no pun intended!)

Two waiters arrived and started whipping everything off the table, even the tablecloth. They reset the table, ignoring our feeble protests and hurried off as the manager announced he had "big surprise for us ...."

Imaginations ran wild - in some countries it is an honour to be served sheep's eyeballs .... we had seen sheep's balls in the supermarket, though not their EYEballs!! DD was beginning to look a bit green around the gills .... Were they going to serve us our order all over - how were we going to politely refuse to eat another bite? OMG !!!

The manager arrived with a cloth covering a dome shaped object resting on a huge platter .... sheep's eyeballs still in the head?? With a flourish he lifted the cloth and revealed .....

......

a whole watermelon, beautifully sliced and arranged with a vineyard of grapes.

None of us had space, but we somehow managed to force some of the fruit down and it was superb.

We thanked the manager and his staff profusely, paid the bill and left, feeling slightly embarassed at their generosity. However, once we drove off, we discovered that they had had the last laugh ... we were charged Dh25 (R50) for "fruits".

Hee hee hee, serve DH right for complaining!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Catching a tan in the UAE

You know you've been in the sun too long ......

not to mention a serious case of Cooper's Droop as well ...!!

Shopping in the small shops

Wandering around the maze of streets is an a-mazing experience! Here are some of the things I have noticed :

The local restaurant has invented their own

bellows to keep the coals for the braai (barbeque) burning!

(And to keep the flies flying away from the meat!!)


No, not that kind of saloon(!) Remember where we are ...

It is a hair salon


Dying to know what drugs he sells -

it was close to midnight and person you see here was

working by candlelight


My local haberdashery - the size of my walk-in closet!


But, they stock anything and everything you could want!!

Pitiful Palm Tree

I read somewhere that the emirate of Abu Dhabi has manually planted over 200 million palm trees! Hardly seems believable that someone nurtured so many little palmlette trees, then dug so many holes, planted the full grown trees, and all in this incredible roasting climate.

Furthermore, each and every tree is irrigated - you see miles of hosepipes draped along road, with spouts at each tree. Unbeee f..ing lievable!! All hail to those who had the vision and energy to "green" the desert so wonderfully.

And at this time of the year, each palm tree is laden with such tempting looking fruits - by the bushel - all shades, from pale yellow, through orange, red, brown and dark black. They are a work of art in themselves.

That said, why oh why did one popular hotel in Abu Dhabi feel it necessary to plant this plastic monstrosity outside their entrance ....

Hopeless Haggler

A fellow UAE blogger ( http://bssandbrninalain.blogspot.com/ ) recently wrote that he thinks he is the worlds worst "negotiator" - and that reminded me of an episode which I think ensures that I retain the title of "Worlds Worst Haggler/Bargainer/Negotiator" ....

We went to a school fete and one of the stalls was manned by an old man who looked like he could use a good meal. Next to him sat his equally old, shabbily-dressed wife. They were obviously not locals or European; I thought maybe they were from one of the poorer countries whose expats come here to earn enough money to eke out a basic living .... Sorry, getting carried away with the scene-setting ... but now you get the picture.

The old lady was slowly and painfully crocheting something, while her husband tried to sell the exquisitely crocheted tablecloths and bedspreads that she had already finished. I am a crafter and am always a sucker for a handmade tablecloth. I decided on one which was about 7 foot long - very intricately and beautifully done. And this is how the "haggling" went ......

Me : How much is this
He : 30 Dirhams
Me : 30 Dirhams, that is ridiculous, look at all the hard work that has gone into this, I would never pay 30 Dirhams
He : (Misunderstanding) - Madam pay 25 Dirhams
Me : No, at least 50 no less!
He : No, 30
Me : 50, no less
He : 35, no more
(By this time, I think it was more a battle of wills, and we had both totally lost the plot!)

Then I realised, maybe it was his pride - he did not want my "charity".
Me : Ok I pay 35 Dirhams and buy you lunch
He : Ok

So, he got his 35 Dirhams and two hamburgers and cokes, and I trotted off with an amazing new tablecloth.

But, you see, that is how I haggle - in reverse!!

There was an old Lady who Lived in a Shoe ...

... and her housing was infinitely better than that in Abu!

My word, I have been looking at housing in Abu Dhabi - for a number of new employees we are expecting, and to say that I am disgusted and depressed is putting it mildly. I am left wondering just what lived in these places before - not who, but what!

The first one had a lovely blue green pattern on the ceiling, but on closer inspection, this turned out to be mold, which, like the Andromeda strain had taken over the entire lounge area.

Toilets and kitchen cupboards are all, with rare exceptions, broken or ripped up, or have whopping great stickers stuck all over them. Ceramic floor tiles are chipped, cracked or have crater-sized holes - what were the previous tenants doing??? Ceilings hang and sag and are cracked and often just plain missing. Light fittings have been ripped out - just bare wires hanging down the walls with chunks of paint and wall missing. The mirrors are also mold-covered (this time, the black kind) and most are chipped or cracked.

Paint is peeling in banana-leaf sized chunks and in many cases walls are chipped down to the concrete - really, what were the previous tenants doing??

One flat with a wooden staircase had at least two stairs missing - the spaces covered up with carpet, so if you didn't know not to tread there, you would have had a sinking experience!

Geysers and airconditioners have leaked orange gunk down walls and into puddles on the floor. Any type of mesh on outside doors is usually torn and always rusted.

A flat in a very exclusive and expensive building on the corniche had the remains of a meal scattered all over the floor - all moldy and stinking to high heaven.

I have had various wildlife scuttle around and over me, from cockroaches to birds to rats and cats!

Gardens - if they exist - are either concreted over or have been left to revert back to desert type scrub, with papers and garbage strewn around most of them.

And these were the upmarket, more expensive villas and flats that are in respectable areas - one shudders to think what might be lurking behind the doors of the inner-city flats which look rundown from the outside.

The rentals for these atrocities is skyhigh and, outside of this country, would never be paid for such disgusting hovels.

I know there are some good places, I stay in one, but they are very few and very far between. No wonder newcomers would rather live in Dubai - at least they have relatively new, relatively inhabitable houses and flats - at a relatively reasonable rental!

Shop 'til you Drop

These are some of the interesting (read : odd!) things we have seen in the shops since we have been here. (Bear in mind that a lot of them are imported and are not from the UAE) - we found the products and names "interesting" to say the least :

* Dried egg whites
* Coffee flavoured sugar
* Roasted branch and twig tea (from China)
* Blocks of dried seaweed - red, yellow, green and orange (also from China - "interesting", those Chinese!! )
* Butter flavoured oil
* Ghee (melted, separated butter) - very popular for cooking - in bottles and tins
* Oil for cooking, called "Parachute Oil"
* Spaghetti length macaroni (remember those from the olden days??)
* Square noodle tubes
* "Siblings" Pineapple Jam
* Yam Jam
* Jerk Sauce
* Snake Oil for hair grooming
* Garlic and onion flavoured dried bananas
* Tinned cheese
* Marshmallow flavoured tea
* Foul Madams - a kind of bean - very popular
* Blood oranges - with bright red juice - yes, looks like blood!
* Liquid licorice to make a hot drink
* Coconut jam and date jam (yummy!!)
* Flavoured Coffeemate - including cinnamon, vanilla, caramel - real yummy!
* Pomegranate molasses
* Brown cream soda (saw white cream soda in the UK!) Tastes like green
* Sit Still hairspray
And ...
* Virginity soap - restores your virginity while you shower!!

Will keep you updated on any new "interesting" products we find ......

Dust to Dust

Those of you who know me will agree that I am, ..... how do I put this delicately?...... not a natural housewife (be kind with your comments!!) I am not one of those fanatics who clean behind pictures on a daily basis, in fact, I don't think I have ever cleaned behind my pictures! When cleaning, I don't move large appliances (or anything larger than a shoebox, actually) - too much like hard work - nobody sees behind there anyway. And, as for dusting, you know the saying "dust to dust..." .... well, my philosophy is : you never know who that dust might have been once .... and I firmly believe you should let deceased Great Uncle Algernon rest in peace .... especially if he is on top of your tv!

I have christened the vacuum cleaner "Sid", named after the punk rocker Sid Vicious, because of its vicious tendency to violently latch onto anything in its path and try to devour it. So far, he (Sid - the vacuum cleaner) has devoured table mats, bathroom mats, sponges, small perfume bottles, socks, pens and pencils, small notebooks and a salt cellar. He has tried, but failed to slurp up the bedspread, bedside lamp, my trousers (with me still in them!), two bars of soap and his own motor. I seem to spend my life swearing at him, swatting at him, trying to break his suctioning grip and digging in his intestines to retrieve valuables. Is it any wonder I hate him?? (Still talking about the vacuum here, not DH)!!

Actually, I am waiting for this to become commercially available, more my scene .......

However, and this is the whole point of this blog, when you see mushrooms growing on the sill of your door, you KNOW you have got to do something ....

Definitely gonna get me a maid tomorrow ....!!!

*** Just to set the record straight ... The bit about the mushrooms and the door was a bit of literary licence - the door is not actually MINE - it is the apartment building's stairway door!! It is so humid, steamy and hot on the stairwell that these fungi have sprouted!!

The All-New Arabian Diet ...

Some items on menu's which will help you stick to your diet :

For starters ... some "FOUL" with oil??


Main course ... a helping of "RAW MEAT"


Washed down with a delicious ... AVOCADO MILKSHAKE


AAAHHHH, but all is not lost ....

You could enjoy one of these :

(in case you can't see it very well, it reads :

Three scoops of Shameless, Vanilla nestled with a banana republic and

sheekily coated with chocolate sauce scandelous!)

I think that is just so imaginative and creative - it made me wanna order one!!




And my all time favourite saying :

You can leave your shoes on ...

I have a foot fetish, or rather ... a toe fetish. I don't like them. I think they are ugly. They wriggle and squirm and remind me of oversize maggots. Ooooh and some have bright red nail-polished heads!! Eeeww. I love the person who invented shoes - hide those ugly appendages - yuck!

Well, like many things here, I have had to swallow my bile and just bloody get used to it. And the same goes for feet. Firstly, everyone (ok, not EVERYone, but it feels like it sometimes) wears open sandals, so it is impossible to miss seeing those big, fat, hairy, knobbly toes wherever you go. Then, it seems that it is considered polite when entering someone's house, or tent, to remove one's shoes (read : sandals) at the door and stomp around barefoot.

Toe jam!
Athlete's foot!
Smelly, sweaty feet!

Arg, I would consider it more polite if you keep your shoes on, please!

Then, to make matters worse, people (read : men) seem to think that it is acceptable to take their shoes off everywhere ... they take them off in my car, they take them off when they are sitting on a bench, they take them off in offices, they take them off in restaurants. Restaurants! Then, to make matters worserer, they rub and pick and fiddle with their toes while sitting on said benches or in said offices or restaurants. Noooo, it is all too much.

Please, please, leave your shoes on ....

Ah... Life in the Big City ....

There was a really good story in the paper the other day. Someone’s bull (yes, as in ox), escaped from his backyard and headed off down the street. People (on foot and in cars) began to chase the poor thing which got more and more scared and ran faster and faster. The police were called and they also set off in hot pursuit until finally there were about 500 people galloping after the unfortunate animal. That is not funny at all, I agree, but the funny part is … rumours began to spread that the police were actually after illegal immigrants in the surrounding flats. The illegal immigrants then herded out and streamed into the streets, ahead of the bull, which was ahead of the police and the rest of the public. Finally, there were close to 2000 people screaming and fleeing down the small side streets, with the police sirens blaring and the other cars hooting like crazy. The chaos continued long after the bull was caught and returned to its owner! Ah, life in the big city!

"Are you just glad to see me, or is that a SNAKE?":

Sherana Alansudhir bravely put herself in danger early yesterday morning to save a woman caught in the deadly grip of a large snake. The mother of three got hold of the snake’s tail – believed to be a young python – and unwrapped the four feet long reptile from the leg of a hysterical cinemagoer during the 11pm performance of ‘Mr and Mrs Smith’ at a cinema in Dubai.
“It was about an hour into the movie and we were engrossed when the women in the row in front started screaming. But the scene was of an explosion and people in the film were running and screaming, so no one took notice,” Ms Sherana said yesterday. “Two minutes later and she was still screaming. A continuous high pitched scream.”
Ms Sherana said she was worried that the woman may have been having a heart attack as she was lying on the floor shrieking. Ms Sherana leaped over the seat in front of her to help the woman once it became clear that there was a snake. “When someone with a mobile phone with a flashlight pointed at it, we saw it was a snake. I told her to shut-up and stop screaming.
I got hold of the snake’s tail and began to unwrap the snake and carried it to the foyer,” she explained. “By then the lights had come on in the theatre and the film had stopped. Most of the audience left quickly on hearing it was a snake.

Aaaaahhhhhh ...... life in the big city ..........

Lotsa gas but no stations

Why, if we are in a country that exists mainly because of the amount of oil/gas it produces, are there so few petrol stations? I can count on one hand the number in Abu Dhabi city, and if you travel the road from AD to Dubai or AD to Al Ain, you can go for many many many miles before passing one.

I have some problems with this :

1) What if you desperately need petrol - the harsh environment is not friendly to carbon based lifeforms walking along tar roads because their cars have run dry

2) What if you desperately, desperately need to fill up - not with petrol, but with food and liquids - we all know how important it is to drink lots of liquids .... and eat lots of fast food .... and buy lots of the junk (oops, sorry, I mean interesting trinkets) they sell at these petrol station shops.

3) What if you desperately, desperately, desperately need to make a p-stop - which is my main reason for stopping at petrol stations. There is no chance of stopping at the nearest bush (there are none) or tree - palm tree trunks are not wide enough to shield motorists from my wobbly, pale butt. Besides, I would be committing any number of sins and breaking any number of laws by watering the shrubbery - so if I didn't go to jail, I would certainly go to hell!

There are some other intriguing aspects about the petrol stations here ...

Even the smallest, most out-of-the-way petrol station will usually have a beautifully built, ornate mosque on the premises. Some are quite small, even pre-fab buildings on stilts, but all the ones I have seen have been quite striking. (Some petrol stations do not actually even have toilets, but DO have a mosque - guess you have got to get your priorities right!)

The local garage on the corner and its beautiful mosque

When you pull up to a pump, you MUST ensure your petrol cap is on the side nearest the pump. This is LAW and you (and the petrol station owner) will be fined if you pull the hose around or over your car.

Because there are so few petrol stations, the queues can sometimes be quite frightening - the first time we saw the queues, we thought of Zimbabwe - where people queued for days to get their ration of petrol ... then sanity prevailed - they are not going to run out of petrol here for quite some time ...........

And now - to be a complete B*tch .... let me tell you what petrol COSTS here :

Firstly, like in SA there are two types : Super and Special - Most normal cars use Special - Super is reserved for those high performance cars like Lamborghinis, Ferrarris etc - out of our league for the moment .....

So, the prices for Special Petrol are : (approximately and as recent as possible!!)

Dh 1-04 per litre (R2-10) The price in SA is R5-25 per litre

Dh 4-75 per gallon (R9-50) The price in SA is R23-00 per gallon

Doesn't it just make you wanna weep??

Driving Like a Crazy ...

So, I picked up my hire car - very nice. Only one small, intzy, wintzy, teeny, tiny problem - I have never driven in the UAE before. I am used to driving on the left side of the road (not the right side, which is the wrong side!) So, I am used to steering with my right hand and changing gears with my left. Which explains why, the first couple of times I had to change gears, I tried to do so by wiggling the window-winder. Also, the flicker is normally on the right side, so every time I changed lanes, I flashed my headlights and squirted my windscreen washer. No wonder people behind me were hooting!

Of course, if you are nervous, you tend to drive slower than normal - and bearing in mind that the normal speedlimit is only 60kph - I was travelling at the speed of smell. One-legged camels and a herd of sloths would have left me in their dust!

But, I finally got out of the parking lot and onto the actual highway. Travelling in the exact opposite direction to where we wanted to go. You see, in my silly foolishness I took the road marked EXIT. I really do not know what I could have been thinking - imagine supposing EXIT actually means EXIT!! Foolish, foolish woman!

We ended up on a highway headed for some place called Er El Salam or something like that (actually, DD thinks it was Dar-es-Salam, and I swear it was Daar Doer is Salam!) There were no exits or breaks in the middle island for 30km and we seemed to be leaving civilisation far behind - all signs of human existence slid rapidly past. So, when we finally did come across an exit, we pounced on it and sped off - unfortunately, we could not turn back, but had to follow THAT road for a further 10km before being able to do a u-turn and get back to the original highway.

By this time (almost an hour later!), we were worried about three things : (1) that we would soon be needing our passports to leave the country (2) that we would dehydrate and perish without seeing another living being and (3) that DH would not miss us for at least 3 days before sending out a search party!!

Well, obviously the story has a semi-happy ending (I am writing this, aren't I?) We triumphantly rode into town in our silver chariot, keeping the advice of a seasoned expat in our minds : "Stay in the middle lane and avoid eye contact with other drivers".

The car is safely parked outside the apartment -

Question : Will it's battery go flat if I don't drive it for the next couple of weeks???????

Driving Miss Crazy

I have been offered a job - a nice job ... with a company car. Only one problem .... I have never driven here. And the bloodcurdling stories you hear about AD traffic hardly inspires you to get wheels and drive.

Well, I really had no choice. First step was to convert my SAfrican drivers licence to an AD licence. Easier said than done. We thought we knew where to go - but it turns out the licence department has moved to another building. After driving around for 1/2 hour in the boiling sun looking for parking, then walking for 1/2 hour from the parking lot to the wrong building, and up the wrong stairs, and around the wrong floor, then back down the wrong stairs and out of the wrong building, we were drenched and bedraggled.

Found the "right" building - a steaming, stinking, pre-fab - stood in a "queue" to get a number (which was #482) and then stood around waiting for our number to come up. An hour later, having not moved one inch and having watched numberless newcomers stride up to the counter and be served, patience broke down and we pushed #480 and #481 out of the way and stalked to the front.

"Eh?"

"We want to transfer a SA licence to a UAE licence"

"Eh?"

"We want change licence to Abu Dhabi licence"

"Eh? Next"

"No, bliksem, OUR turn ... new licence NOW"

"Eh? Eye test in other building"

.... "Patience!!!"

Walked for 15 minutes to another steaming, stinking, pre-fab : not labelled, but subsequently found to be the "eye-test station", which consisted of two sonambulating men, one of whom had a pointer and an empty chair.

"Sit on chair, which way is E pointing?" x 2

"Eyes fine, give photo I stamp"

"I have no photo, they said you will take photo"

"No, photo other building"

........%$#@ "Patience!!!"

Walked for 1/2 hour to steaming, stinking, non pre-fab building - paid big bucks, got 4 photos

Walked for 1/2 hour back to steaming, stinking eye test station. They stamped photos.

Walked for 15 minutes to steaming, stinking, original pre-fab. Queued to get another number (this time it is #520). Man at queue counter asked : "It hot outside?"

(Could he have got a clue from the sweat plastered hairstyle and the drop of perspiration dripping off the end of my nose?)

DH had to sign "No Problem" Form (to show he had no objection to me getting my licence - well, he knew better than to have any objections!!)

Told to go into Ladies Section - DH banned

Waited and waited and waited and waited and then could not wait any more.

Swore at #585, who had tried to push her way to the front and who got such a fright that tears welled up in her eyes. Too bad ... had enough. IT WAS #520's TURN!!!)

Waited and waited and waited and waited while the counter lady punched and punched and punched into her computer - wondered : was she writing her autobiography, or playing minesweeper?

"Need 6 photos!"

"No, I was told 4 photos ..."

"Need 6 photos!"
"F-this, I don't need this licence THAT much!"

"I take photos here ..."

"You do? I love you ..."

More photos taken, Dh200 (R400) paid.

Waited and waited and waited and waited, name called : You Ass (close enough - those who know my surname - smile!)

I'm legal and licenced to thrill .... well, at least to drive, which in AD is definitely a THRILL!!

Tune in tomorrow for the next thrilling episode of "Lulu learns to drive ...."

SUPERsize me!!

Man, there are some things here that are just gy-normous ... Have a look at these photos :

This is Lebanese pita bread - big enough to almost be a bedspread!

Two potatoes = almost 2kgs!

An onion ... almost the same size as DD's head!!

I know you have already seen this strawberry, but it really is my gat se deksel!!

Need a drink?

Liquor Licenses (For non-Muslims only)
Licences are issued through A&E and MMI the two licenced suppliers of Alcohol in Dubai.
Just go to one of their outlets and pick up the forms

DOCUMENTS REQUIRED
No one said it is easy!!!

1.Original passport with valid Dubai Residence Visa, plus copy.
2.A salary certificate from your employer in English and Arabic (because your quota amount will be determined by your salary. Housewives are entitled to .... nothing!)
3.A coloured passport size photograph with your full name written on the back and one of your spouse ( if you authorise him/her to purchase on your permit)
4.Completed Application Form in English signed and stamped by your employer as well.
5.Copy of your accommodation lease.
6. A letter of no objection from your employer. This is to be addressed to Dubai Police, Dubai Police General HQ, Dubai - along with a Company stamp and signature.
7.Fee - Dhs150 in cash
8. Copy of your Labour Contract.

9. For renewals you need everything as above and you MUST have your old license. The number and expiry date are put on the form

Your license is valid for one year.

PS If your company is in a "Free Zone" then you also need the no objection letter stamped and signed by the free zone authority as well.


Drinking and Driving
There is one simple drink-drive rule here. Don't. Ever. At all. If you get caught, you go to jail. Even if its only one little drink. And if you have any alcohol in your system at the time of any accident, your insurance will not pay out. Doesn't even matter if it was your fault. If you were drinking alcohol, then that's it. No arguments. Jail for you.

Some would then consider taking a taxi if they get inebriated. If you don't smell of alcohol and don't appear drunk, you're fine. However, if you are tipsy, sloshed or plastered, your taxi driver will probably just drive you to the nearest police station where you will be arrested for public drunkenness.

It's simple. Drink at home if you must. And don't drive anywhere. Or if you plan on going out and having a drink, make sure you have a sober friend to drive you home.

Now I REALLY need a drink!!

No sweat ....!!! No way !!!

Warning! This article contains descriptions of bodily fluid emissions which might upset sensitive readers ….

I don’t sweat. I am lucky – I never have. On really, really, really hot days – or after vigorous aerobically exercising (oh yeah!!), I might perspire a little, perhaps even exude a little moisture on the brow or even glisten slightly.

But no longer, now I sweat, or should I say : SWEAT. Actually, the word sweat should contain an “R” then it would be an anagram of waters – that is more like what I do now – I WATER!! And this despite copious slatherings of Industrial Strength Mum for Active Macho SportsMEN anti-perspirant.

I feel things creeping on my scalp and running over my back – it’s sweat.

I feel drips down my legs – usually it’s sweat.

My knees sweat, my hands sweat, my lips sweat … even my eyelids sweat. DD says even her sweat sweats!

Not even the strongest “Sit Still” hairspray, and gel, and mousse can prevent my hair from sagging from the sweat.

My blusher drips onto my shoulders and my blouses cling like I am in a wet t-shirt competition.

And all that happens on COOL evenings – you just do not want to know what happens on HOT DAYS!!

Man, that saying “Don’t sweat” would have absolutely no meaning here!

And the latest innovation to help you replace lost salts and minerals when you are sweating so much … a delicious drink called Sweat by Pocari!! Now you can drink sweat as well - sounds yummy!!

And, as those of you who also sweat will know – sweating causes rashes – unpleasant rashes in sensitive places. So, imagine how excited I was when I discovered that Johnson’s make a talcum powder here, especially for heat rashes – it is called Prickly Heat Powder. I bought it so everyone in the family could get some relief, and this is how the conversation went :

Dear Me : Look, I found the solution to our problems .. Prickly Heat Powder …

Dear Husband : But, I don’t want my Prickly Heated !!!!

Dear Me : *Sigh!!*

Did you miss me?

Let me explain ...

After receiving what one could consider a thinly veiled threat, a friendly warning, or an interesting bit of information, with regard to writers not being allowed to "dis" anything Arabic, I got a severe case of the heebie jeebies and, in the interests of me not spending time doing "jail time", have now sanitized my previous entries as much as I could. (I hope you still find them interesting, though!)

Now, I really did not think that my little blog with its fan club of about 3 people could possibly lead to the collapse of the economy, or start a war between currently friendly nations, but then ..... who knows???!!!

I will try really really really hard to be upbeat and positive and glowing and non-judgemental, but please "Dubai Daze" aka Anonymous, remember : I come from a country which tried to deny any problems by refusing to acknowledge them - it didn't work for us - it won't work for you. So before you get your dishcloth in a knot - read the little pink block on the top right side of the page - It says something about MY experiences and not wanting to be disrespectful... etc etc.

But, sometimes, you've just gotta call a spade a fucking spade!!

People are Talking About Me

I am soooo excited ......

People have actually read my blog and have then actually taken the time to comment about it, either in my comments sections, or by personal email or on other sites.

This is a sample of the comments I have received :

"Your blog looks very good"

"what a great site"

"Great Site! I laughed so hard, i had tears running down my face..you always seem to think at times only you notice certain things and if you say anything to anyone, they will think you are MAD! Good to know there are more like me ..:0)"

"OMG this site had me in stitches ... I laughed so hard I almost @$%$%^^* in ....."

"Well done Lulu, you should write a book. Very funny".

"Excellent. This site is very funny and reflects well the life in the UAE. Well done!"

"Good job! I just looked at it in a wizz, but want to take time to read everything. You have done a great job!!!"

"hii have just lookd at this site - brilliant. just love the photos! this website is a great, gives a really good impression of life in AD (says someone who has never been there!!!)"

"i thought this was very, very funny".

"I am at work reading your blog and laughing so hard, coworkers are convinced that I have finally fallen of the deep end. Very funny stuff"

"Hoop jy gaan daai lekker sin vir humor in jou blogs hou - ek geniet dit rerig!"

"All you are doing is writing about some of the quirky things that happen here. I think it makes the country more charming by it's quirkiness! Keep up the good work"

"My goodness THAT is hilarious!!"

"Keep up the good work"

"Hi - I liked reading your blog"

"Your comments are both entertaining and educational. I loved them. I wish I had read them before visiting Abu Dhabi in February (from the USA). My reactions to the life styles were much the same as yours but with less understanding. "

"Enjoying you blog, btw. Thankyou"

"Just found your blog and it is excellent! Please keep up the good work. I have also added it to my lists of links as well as to this short Guide to UAE blogs that I wrote the other day."

"I laughed SOOO hard, i fell outta my seat! Great Job!"

"We all enjoy reading them and have a good laugh at your adventures - you make them so interesting - hope you are keeping copies - you could make some of the experiences into a booklet guide for tourists to "Aby Daby" - what to do and what not to do!"

"very amusing and very interesting - nice to know how the other side think and live."

"certainly hope you are keeping copies of them all and going to publish them when you get back to S.A. You should have been a jounalist -honest Lulu you really write well and everything is so interesting and real - I think everyone who is getting the emails from you are thoroughly enjoying them"

"We all think you must write a book - well, you already have the first chapter done - so now just add to it - it will be a best seller for sure!"

"you have missed your vocation - you should have published a couple of books by now."

I feel amazed, flabbergasted, thrilled, embarassed, proud, anxious, grateful, tickled pink (and blue and purple too!) and tongue-tied (well, pen-tied actually!)

Thank you for visiting my blog and I hope that you will find my ramblings interesting enough to come back again and again!. And in appreciation ... a BIG smiley face .........!

Amusing Ourselves

There are two common ways to pass the time here - shopping and eating - both of which we (I) do with gusto. However, there comes a time (and I never thought I would admit this!), that shoppng and eating lose some of their appeal and one needs to look for other amusements ...

So, these are some of the other ways we amuse ourselves :

Dinner Cruise :
(well ok, so it is technically eating, but we did do something else at the same time, so it doesn't really count, does it?)

One Friday night we took a boat cruise on a dhow (a chuggy old boat type thing)... around the harbour and looked at the city lights - it was magnificent - complete with fish leaping out of the water. The cruise included supper which was a buffet with lobsters, prawns, all kinds of chicken and meat, veg, salads and lovely puddings. It was really great and very relaxing - took 2 hours to complete the cruise (and 2 hours to pry DH off the dhow -he has now decided on a career change .... wants to be a dhow boat driver.... !!)

Jet Skiing :

Next, DD and DM went off to one of the hotels and tried some jet-skiing. DM was too scared to do it on my own, so the lifeguard drove and I sat behind him, holding onto his bronzed, lean, muscled, taut young waist .... oops, forgot where I was for a moment .... oh yes .... I got the "Super Tour" because he took me all around the harbour - saw the Sheikh's private beachfront disco, private floating restaurant and his huge hangars full of all kinds of boats, yachts, speedboats, jet skis etc. There is a huge island off the beach which belongs to him as well (as do many of the islands around Abu Dhabi) - nobody is allowed to go there except him and his family. Ah, the life of the rich and Arabic ....!! DD meanwhile was scooting around on her own jet ski - in and out of oncoming boats and yachts at full speed! Afterwards we did some paddboating and kayaking (well, DD did it - DM watched from a safe distance!) It was really lovely - quite hot, but there was a bit of breeze, so it was bearable. Afterwards we had a delicious buffet lunch ... can't get away from the eating ....

Movies :

Movie tickets cost a small fortune : the equivalent of R60 to R80 each and a small box of popcorn is R40. But we did score in one area - on the way to the cinema, we discovered a coffee shop that serves cups of pure melted chocolate, with biscuits and fruit to dip into it - like your own private chocolate fondue. Now that's more like it!! Eating again!

One thing they do have here at the movies, that we don't have .... mielies. Yes, actual corn on the cob mielies (well, it's off the cob, actually) - a cupful of warm corn with butter to munch while you watch! Oh yes, and tortilla chips with two dips - one tomato salsa and one melted cheese. MMmmm Munching AGAIN!

Golf :

Golf is that "sport" where you take the stick thingy and wiggle your butt, then wallop the ball with all your pent-up aggro. In the meantime, the other ladies stand around, some tittering and giggling and some gyrating and jumping up and down screaming "Stay up" and "Get down" and "Fabulous shot dahling", as the ball dribbles a metre away into the sand trap.

Suffice it to say, we spent more time looking for our golfballs than actually hitting them, well, I did ... DD spent her time looking at the cute coach. But the course was magnificent - just what you would not expect in the middle of a desert. Hey, - we DIDN'T do any eating .....

Horse racing :

What we learnt at the horse races :

We learnt that you must remember to "look over" the horses, looking for humps. A hump indicates that the horse is actually a camel, which means it will run slower than the real horses, or possibly faster, I can't remember which ...

We learnt that as the gates open, you realise that the start takes place several miles away making the horses look like a flock of stampeding squirrels. Try as you might, there is no way you can tell which horse/camel/donkey/squirrel crossed the line first - I think the commentator decides on which one has the most pronouncable name.

We learnt that it is possible to bet on ALL the horses in the race and still not make a profit!

We learnt that choosing a winner based on what colour blouse (!) the jockey is wearing is not a guarantee of winning.

We learnt that eating a LARGE buffet causes one to feel drowsy and lose concentration on the actual horseracing ...

Ice Skating :
(yep - in the desert!! In the foyer of a shopping mall!!)

DD found out that the biggest problem with ice skating is gravity - without gravity it would be so easy, even DM could do it. And she had the wrong equipment - she had ice skates - ice skates are too slippery and, combined with gravity - spell disaster. Skates should be designed with a combination of golf shoe spikes, Velcro and superglue!

More to follow later about how we amuse ourselves in this desert we now call home (..... or is that dessert??)

Are you healthy enough for the health test?

One of the more horrible experiences we have had was the obligatory blood test for Aids. Apparently, everyone has to have one, and if you are unfortunate enough to have Aids (or TB), you do not get to stay. No wonder the percentage of Aids cases is 0,001%.

DH arranged for a guide to take us to the local hospital where they test immigrants. Let me set the picture for you : 5 or 6 hot, stuffy, dirty pre-fab buildings, filled to the roof with sweating, pushing, rude, frustrated and frustrating people - mainly men - all screaming, shouting and causing commotions in various languages at the tops of their voices (including the ones behind the counters!) Total dis-organised chaos!! And our "guide" was one of the worst culprits. He simply pushed in front of a line of about 12 other people, grabbed the one man by his collar and tossed him out of the queue and squeezed to the front. When the other people in the queue began to mutter unhappily at him, he simply turned around, pointed to us (DD and DM) and made as if it was our fault. We then had to bravely smile at them and try to stop them from lynching us.

The guide's English consisted of "You come" and "You pay", and he totally could not (or would not) understand us at all. What I do know is that he kept demanding money - R200 here, R600 there, another R200 again.

We left the pre-fabs for a brick building -passing several bloodsoaked wads of cottonwool along the way. We were marched upstairs (to our doom, we felt by now!) where women and men are separated for the actual blood tests. Our guide pushed us rudely past the other waiting women and through a door, which clanged shut behind us. We were left standing, with our best "stiff upperlip" smiles, facing a herd of women and white coated technicians. After snatching our papers, one (who looked like a prison guard) barked that we must "Follow NOW", so follow we did, out the door again and down the stairs. Our guide galloped after us, shrieking : "What you do, get back, give blood NOW". The more we tried to explain that we were instructed to follow "Helga, the Horrible", more more he screamed at us to GET BACK NOW. Luckily, Helga noticed that we had strayed, had a few choice words to say to our guide, and we were allowed to trot along after her again.

Two and a half hours later (!!) we were totally shattered and just too grateful to still be alive, mostly!! Albeit with punctured arms. All I can say is, after that trauma, they had BETTER give us a permit to stay, for THEIR own health!!

Encounters with the Natives

Well, here I am again. I can't stop writing about our strange and curious encounters here - mainly because all of our encounters are strange and curious! Mostly brought about by communication confusion ....

The other day, while wandering around the streets, DD and I found a shop called "Planet Book", which had shelves of English paperback books. We were very excited to find the latest titles. I found one I had been searching for, asked the lady behind the counter for the price (as there was none on the book itself). She looked me up and down, sighed, then searched for it on her computer and snapped out the price. I thought she was a bit rude, but it was a good price. She got even more impolite with the two books that DD wanted, so I just tossed the money on the counter and was about to leave. She then demanded to know : "Why you buy books?" So I said : "Because we like to read" - could there be another reason? She then told us : "This library, you no BUY books, just BORROW!" We had been buying the library's books - no wonder she thought we were cheeky!!

I went to the Post Office to post off some letters to friends. Just as I was about to leave, the helpful man behind the counter said : "Here, you take lottery ticket" and thrust half a dozen coupons in my hand. I asked him how much they cost, he just said "No, you take ..." The conversation after that went something like this : I refused, he insisted, I refused, he insisted and began pushing them into my handbag. I thought - what the hell - if he is giving away free lottery tickets, I don't want to be rude and refuse ... so I thanked him with a big smile and began to walk away. He then nearly had a seizure and leapt up from his chair, shouting "Give back, give back", which I did, just before I ran out the door! As I turned to see if he was following me, I spotted a notice on the door advertising lottery tickets for Dh30!! I had tried to steal his lottery tickets!!

We went to buy our curtains the other day. I told the salesman that I wanted heavy curtains AND lace curtains. He seemed to understand this, saying : "Yes, heavy curtains with lace curtains on outside". "No", I replied, "Lace on inside, heavy curtains on OUTSIDE". After some 10 minutes of arguing with each other, he finally shrugged his shoulders, muttered (probably something about stupid white woman with crazy tastes) and said "OooooK, it look funny, but you want, you get". Then in a last desperate attempt to dissuade me, he took me to the window display of an actual set of curtains and asked if I liked it. I did because it was what I wanted : lace on the inside, curtains on the outside .... But it was what HE wanted to : lace of the outside (you know, closer to the OUTside) and curtains on the INside of the room!!

One of the favourite sayings here is "Insha'allah", which loosely translated into French would be "Que sera sera", or translated into English would be "What will be, will be", and in Afrikaans would be "Ja No Well Fine!!" So, if someone bashes you with a trolley and you scream in pain, he will nonchalantly say "Insh'allah"; if the contractor, who promised to come at 10am on Monday arrives at 5pm on Tuesday and you complain, his excuse will include "Insha'allah"; if the taxi driver shortchanges you and and you point it out, he will reply with "Insha'allah" and ignore you, but if you demand the correct change, he will again reply with "Insha'allah" and give you your money. Come to think of it, maybe the English translation is actually "Oh, shut up!!"

I read somewhere that one should be careful when complimenting locals because they will then feel obliged to give you the article. We had firsthand experience with this when we saw a stranger on the street wearing a particular bracelet DD had been looking for. I stopped him and asked where he had bought the bracelet, whereupon he whipped the bracelet off and insisted that DD take it right there and then. We were stunned into embarassed silence (a very rare occurrence!) and he trotted off before we could finish stammering out our thank you's. MMmmmmmm, methinks I am going to try telling the neighbour how stunning I think his Ferrari is .... noblesse oblige and all that!!

Strange Street Names

Before we arrived in Abu, we were given an address for DD to write her exams. The "address" was : The Pink 501 Building, next to the Modern Bakery with the plants on the sidewalk! That sounded a bit bizzare, but when we arrived, we asked the taxi driver to take us to the ... nudge, nudge ... Pink 501 Building, next to the Modern Bakery ... with ... giggle, snort, cough ..... plants on the sidewalk ... and within 5 minutes, we were exactly where we wanted to be!!

There are a number of problems with using actual street names here :
Firstly, each main street has at two, three or even four names - (1) The original name given to the street (2) The new official name - usually in honour of some wellknown person (3) The road number corresponding to the street name and (4) The common, everyday name used most often - usually describing where the road comes from or goes to, for example "Airport Road" is officially known as Sheikh Rashid Bin Saeed the Second Road, and used to be known as East Road, and has a number as well!! The common name often reflects the type of shops on that street, so you get Embassy Street, Electra Street (for electrical appliance shops) and so on.

Then there is the problem that every block which is bordered by main streets, has the same numbers, so if you are looking for 2nd Street, you could literally pass dozens of "2nd Streets" and be on pension before you find the one you are looking for. Usually when looking for a smaller street, you start by using the main street name, followed by the small street's number - this helps get you in the general vicinity.

The streets that are named after Sheikhs, can get very confusing when you are not sure if you are looking for Sheikh Hamad bin Rashid Al Maktoum the First Street or Sheikh Khalifa bin Zayad Al Nahyan the Second Street - by the time you have finished reading the street sign, you are way past that street on onto another Sheikh's street!! And forget about asking the cops - we stopped and asked a group of three cops for directions and each pointed in a completely different way and babbled directions like : "Cross Sheikh Khalifa Bin Zayed Al Nahyan the First Street and drive until the Sultan bin Mohammed Al Qasimi Bridge and then turn into His Highness Sheikh Hamad bin Khalifa Al Thani Circle ... " etc, etc. Our heads were spinning and we spent the next hour spinning around Dubai's streets in ever-decreasing circles, until we finally - completely by accident - finally found what we were looking for!

These are the instructions I got on how to make sense of the street names - see if YOU can understand them - I couldn't!!

Along the top of the "T" runs the Corniche (Street 1) which is the side of the island furtherest from the mainland. Streets running parallel to the Corniche all have odd numbers, so the next is Street 3 (Khalifa), then 5 (Hamdan), then 7 (Zayed or "Electra") and so on down into the 30's at the bottom of the "T".

Running vertically down the middle of the "T" is Airport Road (Street 2). Roads running parallel to Airport to the right have even numbers, so the next is Street 4 (old Airport Road), Street 6 and so on. To the left of Airport Road running parallel is Street 24 (Karama), Street 26, etc.

Which explains why everyone here has a postbox and post is seldom delivered to your home. Can you imagine an envelope addressed to :

Mrs Smith
123 Big White Building with blue windows
Next to the park where we had a picnic last summer
Just beyond the tree where the pigeons have built a big nest
Abu Dhabi
Postman Pat (Postman Ali, more likely!) would really have to know his route well!!

Censorship Snips

One of the most frustrating aspects of living here is the strictness of the censorship. Now, I know that they (being the Ministry for the Prevention of Vice and Promotion of Virtue - really!!), are trying to prevent their people from being corrupted by the decadent Western values we find normal, but I sometimes think they take themselves a bit too seriously .....

Internet users are banned from many, many sites - including any which mention pigs or sheep (even cartoon ones!) Whole sites containing millions of innocent, non-porno photos have been blocked because they also contain one or two photos which are considered "offensive".

Obvious topics, such as porn or gambling, are well known. But many other subjects are also unacceptable, including any reference to history mentioning disputes between the different emirates before independence.

This is the message which comes up when you try to access these "dirty, perverted, disgusting" sites :

We apologize, the site you are attempting to visit has been blocked due to its content being inconsistent with the religious, cultural, political and moral values of the United Arab Emirates.

And, if the government and its watchdogs happen to miss spotting a miscreant - there are a number of self-ordained morals watchers who will pounce and threaten anyone they consider to have overstepped the boundaries, with all sorts of dire consequences, including arrest and deportation!!

DD was flabbergasted when she bought the Cosmo magazine and found a number of pages, showing models in swimming costumes and lingerie, scribbled on with a black felt pen. It is actually somebody's job to page through each and every copy of the magazines and then blot out all the scantily clad butts! What is his job title : "Butt blotter"??

And talking of immoral .... you really must watch a video here - or even a movie or tv show. They are all censored, but not with bleeps, they actually cut out whole sections which contain words or actions which they consider offensive. So, if you are watching a love scene, it would go something like this :

"Oh, Jeff, I ..... you and .... you to .... me"
"Oh, Linda, let me .... my .... on you .... and feel the .... of your .... on my ...."

Well, you can substitute your own words of course, and then it either becomes a hysterical comedy, or a REALLY xxx-rated film!!

Then, of course, they slice out any reference to God, Allah, Royalty, divinity or religion of any kind, as well as any "swear" words, which include damn, gosh, golly, heck, bother, etc. Any mention of a body part is removed, unless it is visible when wearing one of their abayas, and as you know, this means that "eyes" are about the limit! Politics, gambling, partying, drugs, drinking, car chases, etc - all no-no's.

So, a movie which lasts 2 to 3 hours elsewhere, here consists of :

The Beginning ....

"Oh you have beautiful eyes"

....The End!!!

Speaking Hinglish

One place they really do use the full English language in a unique style (although not always in the way it SHOULD be used!), is in the daily newspaper. These are some examples of what they have written :

* When the Sheikh died, they reported that the people, the trees and even the robots were "drooping their heads with sorrow".

* Talking about the misuse of missed call messages on cellphones : "This ubiquitous chime could ring you out of your senses while you are blabbering out a valedictory speech. It is a ruthless money-saving menace which has found favour with the money-minded".

* Vehicle and pedestrian accidents are caused mainly by : "drivers of vehicles and pedestrians".

* An article on absconding maids : "They often play crumble ways with those who offer them jobs, screwing them up to the extent that their satisfaction is pledged". Huh??

* A man who was decapitated : "found himself choking with emotion when he was given a ticket to return to his homeland". YOU would choke too if you were decapitated! It seems the person actually had his legs amputated.

And, once again, we were misunderstood ...... We took our sheets and DH's shirts to the laundry - they wash and iron them for a small fee. However, when they came back, the laundry owner had written a code number in pen on the back of the shirt collars and on the sheets. Obviously, so he knew which belonged to which customer. When we went back the next time, DH told him : "We are cross with you, you write on shirts and sheets with pen, we do NOT want to SEE numbers on our sheets and shirts, understand?"

Yes, he understand - WE could NOT SEE the numbers - so the next time, he took a bigger, thicker, blacker pen and wrote in 1 inch numbers, so that we COULD see. Now it looks like we pinched our sheets from some hotel or hospital. And DH looks like an escaped convict with his prison number written on the back of his shirt!!

TV or not TV?

We miss South African television very much - of the 30 or so free channels here, at least 27 are only in Arabic - and they were all only showing a photo of the dead Sheikh, with someone caterwauling in the background for ages after his death. Radio stations were exactly the same, the only alternative to the wailing was panflute elevator music, which one can only listen to for so long before going nuts. DD was threatening to leave if that music was going to be permanent. Luckily, some normality returned after the mourning period was over.

We have subscribed to "DSTV" here - called Orbit. The local tv stations are all in Arabic and the only free English programmes you can get are BBC and CNN which are full time news. So now we have another 140 channels to choose from!! The only problem is - about 120 of THEM are also Arabic. The English ones range from not too bad to fairly okay. We have started watching the new series of the Bachelor and Bachelorette. We can also get the latest US Idols and The Apprentice (with Donald Trump) and there are some ok movie channels. DH is glad for the sports channels and DD watches the music channels. Alas for me - no cooking channels!!

We also get channels from Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, Iran, Iraq, Germany, France, even China - what a pity we can't understand a word any of them say!

So, although we have ove 200 channels to choose from, more often than not, someone is grumbling about their being nothing to watch on tv!!

Shmoking Shisha's ish Shpechal

Not to be confused with shishka - Do not smoke your shishka (meatball on a stick)!

"Smoking a shisha is nothing like smoking a cigarette," a 71-year-old man said as he looked up from his pipe. "Cigarettes are for nervous people, competitive people, people on the run," he said. "When you smoke shisha, you have time to think. It teaches you patience and tolerance, and gives you an appreciation of good company. Shisha smokers have a much more balanced approach to life than cigarette smokers."

We notice that many restaurants offer shisha's as a before-or-after dinner treat (those are the Arab hubbly bubblies with the long pipes). They smell really pleasant and we have been tempted, but not quite convinced, to try one someday. The menu's list flavours like strawberry, banana, rose, licorice, apple, grape, melon, mint, lemon, orange, mango, coffee, cappuccino, honey, cola, even cigar and cigarette flavours, but they also list : shisha fantasia, exotica, flight of dreams .... and, when you look closely at the people who are smoking the shisha's many of them have dreamy, faraway looks on their faces ..... could it be another, less innocent type of leaf they are smoking??? We MUST investigate this ...

So, some time later ...................

Before .....


We had our first taste of a shisha at the notorious desert safari - we sat on cushions on the floor and puffed away at the hubbly bubbly. I thought it tasted superb and asked what it was we were smoking - the "operator" replied : "Apples and red flowers" ....(...??Poppies ???!!!) Too late by then, just had to sit back and enjoy ...............................! We seemed be get a little giggly and giddy as the puffing went on - but maybe that was just wishful thinking!!

After .....

If you intend to follow our example and sample a shisha, here are some interesting hints and some do's and don't's to remember :

* Do NOT use regular charcoal as this may lead to carbon monoxide poisoning!
* You may try adding things to the water to change the taste or consistency of the smoke.
* Example additions include ice cubes, mint leaves, lemon slices, alcohol, fruit juice or milk.
* For a sweeter and more flavourful smoke, you can add some wine to the water in the base of your hookah. It's a happier smoke, and you can really taste the wine.
* Try putting Coca Cola instead of water and use the "cola flavoured" shisha tobacco, it really enhances the cola taste
* Dry tobacco can be rejuvenated by marinating it with fruit preserves such as marmalade or jam.

Smoking shishas here is very acceptable, and we have seen people smoking on street corners, in restaurants, at the beach, even while sitting in their car - with the shisha on the ground outside! You can even get a multiple hose shisha which allows you and your companions to all smoke a the same time - otherwise you can each have your own or you can pass one around - with each person using their own mouthpiece.

May you always smoke in good company and peaceful times!

Retail Therapy # 3

In an effort to make the cavernous lounge look a bit more like a home than a museum, we decided to buy some flowers - joke! The first major hurdle was finding a shop or person who actually sells real, fresh flowers - as you mostly only get the non-destructible, need-no-care, plastic variety in a number of totally unnatural colours and shapes.

When we finally found a florist who supplies some of the hotels with flower arrangements, they were only able to offer us either roses (at R20 each) or some rather wilted and sad-looking daisies. We settled on the daisies! But they do not sell vases. In fact they looked at us as though we were from Mars when we asked for a vase - "........a vaaaaazzzz?? No!" We have now searched numerous shops and are still no nearer to getting a vase, so we have finally settled on a blue plastic water jug. The locals are probably all shaking their heads at these mad Whities who are looking for flowers in a desert, and, if you think about it, who can blame them?

But, I refuse to accept that they do not have sheets here - at first we could not find any to fit our beds. It appears that each furniture makes just makes the bed to the size HE wants - there is no standard size for double, queen or king size. So none of the sheets fit properly. It seems that we have a king-size queen bed and DD has a queen-size double bed. Nou ja! We finally did find some sheets, but they are way too big - it seems that there is no standard size in sheets either - Queen can mean anything from double bed size to double king size!! And most of the sheets available here are made of pure cotton, which rustle like leaves when you lie on them and are impossible to iron - so crinkly and old looking. They have also all faded and blotched after just a few washes - so they look far worse than the 25 year old sheets that I threw away when we left home to come here!!

Pillows are another story - they also come in a number of different sizes - Queen, King, Supersize, etc, so you have to make sure that the pillowcases you buy are the right size for the pillows - ours are all too small for the stupid Kingsize pillows we bought, and have ended up looking like sausages with the stuffing squeezed out of them!!

Toys for Boys

DH had his revenge for us girls buying all new furniture, and bought himself a brand new, out of the box, 4 x 4. It is really neat, just the right size for carting our new furniture (which is all do-it-yourself and bought in flat boxes).

It is not commonly known, but only about 5% of the human body differs between men and women. Part of this 5% is the portion that causes males to become so emotionally involved with their cars. Us girls just want to know what colour it is, and does it have aircon.

He then HAD to have a satellite gps system for his new car - it can supposedly find any street or shop in the world and tell you exactly how to get there. Unfortunately, it seems to me, the only way it can tell you this, is if you have been to the destination before and programmed the route into it. DH loves it, but it's bleating gets on DD and DM's nerves ".... 100 metres turn right, robot turn left, arrive at destination ....." and more often than not : ".... lost satellite reception, re-calculating ...." (In other words, you are on your own now...) Grrr, it is obviously a boy's toy! All it does is tell you just how lost you are!!

Retail Therapy # 2

A very peculiar aspect about the shopping is the fact that the shops open from 9am to 12 noon, then close until 5pm and then open again until 10 or 11pm. On Fridays and during Ramadan, most of the shops are closed all day, and only open after 6 or 7 pm. This sounds exotic and actually was, the first time we tried it, but when we only got out of the shop after midnight and still had to load all the shopping bags into a "pocket rocket" and then lug it in relays up to the 14th floor and then pack it all away - suddenly it was a lot less fun!!

We are still battling with being too polite. Nobody here seems to grasp the concept of queues. Queues here are one person deep and 3000 wide. Disembodied arms will reach under, over and around you to plonk their purchases down on the counter. The sales assistant will then immediately ring up whatever is in front of her. Next, the arm will squeeze past you again, clutching payment and grabbing the parcel. All this time, we are left with a dazed look on our faces, waiting patiently and politely to be served. It took us a few such experiences to learn that polite people end up going on pension before they get served, so now I stand with arms akimbo (on my hips), challenging anyone to try and get their puny arms around ME. The meek shall definitely not inherit anything in this part of the world!!

Women are often served first in shops, no matter how many men have been standing for how long in the queue before you. I find this very awkward and embarrassing, and have tried to insist that "He was here before me". This concept is completely lost on the sales people (and the waiting men, by the way) and they will inevitably part like Moses' Red Sea to let you get to the front.

So, to sum it up - the women are too rude and the men are too polite. There is never a happy medium!!

Retail Therapy

The currency here is the Dirham (pronounced Dur-ham or Dirrim, depending on whether you are a local or an expat) - which is their Rand ... and the fil - which is their cent. However, the coins you see the most are 1Dirham, 50fil and 25fils - less than 25fils is just not worth the botheration, so they simply ignore it. If your groceries add up to xxxDirham and xxxfils, they will probably just round the fils to the nearest Dirham - so you win some, you lose some. You DO actually get 10 and 5 fil pieces, but if you don't want to be walking around with a purse full of useless coins, yu just leave them at the cashier. The few times we have tried to get rid of them by giving handfuls of them to taxi drivers or shopowners have met with a stream of incomprehensible (but definitely rude) Arabic! So now, we avoid these coins like the plague!

Notes are very pretty colours and have Arabic on one side and English on the other. They are worth 5, 10, 20, 50, 100, 200, 500 and 1000 Dirham. Beware, however, notes above 100 Dirhams seem to self-destruct and somehow completely disappear out of my purse without me being aware of it! At the moment, on Dirham costs about two Rand - so when we see something that looks pretty cheap, we hav eto remember to double the price to get an idea of its real price - which is sometimes quite shocking and always depressing!!

Of course, there are always times when you really, really, really need the consolatin of shopping - there are amazingly big malls with all kinds of shops, including Truworths, Woolworths and Mr Price! Been there, shopped there, paid extravagant prices! If you look really hard, you can find "normal" clothes, but most of the stuff is really weird - VERY bright colours, lots of bows and sequins and lace, the latest here is slashed clothes - everything looks like it has been in a shredder, with long shreds hanging everywhere!

Then thre are the equivalents of our Supermarkets and Hypermarkets. We went on a shopping spree and bought everything form figs to a fridge, from washing powder to a washing machine from the local hyper (called Co-Op here). We saw plates and dishes (plastic) for sale by the kilogram. We saw products from all over the world - furniture from India and Malaysia, meat from New Zealand and Australia, plates from China, Romania and Denmark, and foodstuffs from just about any and everywhere.

We went furniture shopping and were astounded at the over-the-topness of the furniture - obviiously designed for palaces, most of the lounge and bedroom suites made us feel like hobbits in the land of giants. Huge Sleeping Beauty type beds that are almost as tall as us standing next to them, couches that are so wide and high that yur feet don't touch the ground when you sit on them.

There was even a bedroom suite designed like a medieval castle, with a wardrobe that looked like a castle wall! When we went the next day to take a photo - it had been sold!! We struggled and struggled to find a semi-normal type of lounge suite and beds, and then, when they were delivered, they only took up about a quarter of the size of the room, that is obviously why they rather take those huge monstrosities - to fill out the rooms. We now have two lounge suites in our lounge (4 x 3 seater couches) and a recliner chair!!

Counting the Pennies

The currency here is the Dirham (pronounced Dur-ham or Dirrim, depending on whether you are Arabic or European) - which is their Rand ... and the fil - which is their cent. However, the only coins you see are 1 Dirham, 50fils and 25fils - less than 25fils is just not worth the botheration, so they simply ignore it. If your groceries add up to xxxDirham and xxxfils, they will probably just round the fils to the nearest Dirham - so you win some, you lose some. You DO actually get 5 and 10fil pieces, but if you don't want to be walking around with a purse full of useless coins, you just leave them at the cashier. The few times we have tried to get rid of them by giving handfuls of them to taxi drivers or shopowners, our efforts have been met with a stream of incomprehensible (but definitely rude!) Arabic. So now, we avoid these coins like the plague!

Notes are very pretty colours and are worth 5, 10, 20, 50, 100, 200, 500 and 1000 Dirham. Beware, however, notes above 100 Dirhams seem to self-destruct and somehow completely disappear out of my purse without me being aware of it!

At the moment, one Dirham costs two Rand - so when we see something that looks pretty cheap, we have to remember to double the price to get an idea of its real price - which is sometimes quite shocking and always depressing!!

If it's Tuesday, it must be Wednesday

Trying to get used to the work days here is really difficult, you see - here in Abu Dhabi, Thursdays are Fridays and Fridays are Sundays, followed by Saturdays, which are followed by Mondays, which are Sundays everywhere else. Mondays are actually Tuesdays, but Tuesdays are Tuesdays as well!

Most companies in AD work from Sunday to Thursday and have Friday/Saturday weekends. However, most companies in Dubai have Thursday/Friday weekends, and some international companies have the normal Saturday/Sunday weekends. Then, some unfortunates work for companies that only have one day weekends - Friday - which turns Fridays into Saturdays AND Sundays all in one!

Somehow your brain knows that, while you are lazing around on a Friday, the rest of the world is working, but it will not accept the reverse on a Sunday. Because Saturday feels like a Saturday, you kind of expect the next day to be a relaxing day - but noooo - it is a work day!!

We are lucky that we do not have schoolgoing children, because some schools have their weekends on a Thursday and Friday. This means that kids and their parents only share one day weekends!!

Add to this confusion, the fact that during Ramadan, the shops are closed all day (like our old-time Sundays) and only open at 6pm or 7pm, and during the mourning period for the Sheikh who died, all shops were closed all the time, and you can see what I mean by being confused.

I tried to handle the mayhem by calling a Friday "Saturday" and a Saturday "Sunday", but because no-one else here does that, it confused them AND me. Now, I have a calendar stuck in a very prominent place and diligently mark off the days each morning, so I will know WHEN I am.

So, if we speak to you on a Monday and ask how your Friday is going, please bear with us - we are on Arab time!!

Public InConveniences

Okay, now we venture on to even more dangerous stuff - public toilets ... You may not believe it, but most public toilets do not have any toilet paper (which they consider unhygienic!), they merely have a hosepipe situated nearby the loo. This means that the floors of the loos are almost always swimming in what one hopes is water - which I consider unhygienic! Now, what I want to know is this - if you can master the art of squirting the hose in just the right place, and at just the right angle, how do you dry yourself off if there is no loo paper? Or do they walk around holding those tiny little battery-operated fans at just the right place under those voluminous black robes of theirs?

Even in the flat, each bathroom is equipped with a bidet and a rather interestingly angled hose/tap type of thing. These are basically carwashes for your *ass*. None of us have been brave enough to actually try using it, because it seems one would have to get into the "prepare for crash landing" position used on aircraft - with your head between your knees - and then try to twist yourself into a pretzel in order to reach the tap which is situated directly behind your butt, turn it on to the correct pressure and readjust the angle, whilst at the same time trying to maintain your balance on the (seatless) porcelain bowl. I am afraid I would get into position and then have a fit of giggles, give myself a slipped disc and have to wait for someone to rescue me. Or worse, turn the tap up too high and give myself a free enema. I HAVE asked, but nobody seems to be prepared to demonstrate How To Use Your Bidet Without Drowning.

(Bidet in French originally meant "small horse" - which seems to describe it perfectly!)

Question : Are bidets for *assholes*?

PS : They do make great foot-washing basins, though ....

While we are on this delicate subject, consider the rules and regulations which Moslems must adhere to when using the toilet :

Muslim’s toileting practices could be compounded into six areas— entering, seclusion, the prohibition of facing Mecca, squatting, cleaning and stepping out.

The Qur’an states that one should enter the restroom with left foot first while saying a prayer of protection. It is not permissible to enter a restroom while carrying anything that bears the name of Allah, such as the Qur’an, or any book with the name of Allah in it, or jewelry such as bracelets and necklaces engraved with the name of Allah. Muslims should keep silent when in the restroom. Thus, talking, reading, greeting others and answering greetings are not to be done inside the restroom except for risky situations, like guiding a disabled person.

One should be out of sight, thus doors of toilets should be securely closed. Privacy is therefore a major requirement when providing restroom facilities for Muslim users. Muslim women specifically have problems with Western-style public restrooms because they find stalls with gaps between the floor and wall too immodest.

Islam prohibits facing the Qiblah (Mecca) while defecating. The Prophet said “if you go to defecate, do not face Mecca nor turn your back toward it. Instead, you should turn to your left side or your right side”.

Muslims are encouraged to urinate while sitting or squatting and not while standing. Squatting or sitting is said to be better since it is healthier for the body and there is less chance of urine splashing onto one’s body or clothes. Islam strictly prohibits direct contact with urine and feces as these are considered impure. The Prophet once passed by two graves and said “Both are being punished. They are not being punished for major sins. One did not shield himself from urine and the other carried gossip.” This explains why hole-in-the-ground squat-type toilets are still popular in some areas.

After using the toilet, one should performs the Istinjaa (cleansing with water). However, when water is not available, a material that does not have a smooth surface, such as stone or wood can be used. Tissue paper can be used as long as it does not absorb the feces or urine and cause the hand to come into contact with it.
Qur’an forbids the use of the right hand in order to clean oneself from the impurities of urine and feces.

Muslims have a practice of leaving the toilet with right foot first. They utter a prayer of forgiveness as they leave the toilet.

Prayer uttered before entering the restroom with left foot: “O Allah, I seek Your protection from the male and female devils”
Prayer uttered after leaving the restroom with the right foot: “I seek your pardon. Praise be to Allah who removed discomfort from me”

Well, that's enough to make you constipated!!

Whether there is weather ...

The weather (even in the middle of winter) consists of really warm days, bordering on hot, especially if you are outside. We seem to dart from one airconditioned house/shop/car to the next - the air is humid and the poor excuse of a breeze just seems to circulate the warmth around rather than cool anything down, much like a hairdryer set on low heat, blowing in your face.

In winter, temperatures are in the low 30's and go UP at night rather than getting cooler. Our SAfrican summer clothes were all too warm for here, so we HAD to go shopping for some more appropriate clothes (good excuse, hey?) Imagine our amazement when we found that the shops were stocked to the rafters with thick leather jackets, mohair coats, woollen polonecks and kneehigh boots! Maybe 35 degree heat is cold to them - if so, I don't want to be here at the height of their summer. One taxi driver put it very well, he said : "Summer here very hot, white people all die!" What a pleasant prospect!

Hey, guess what .... it rained here the other day - rain in the desert! It didn't rain much, and it didn't rain for long, but it rained just long enough for the oil slicks to convert the roads into an ice skating rink. From our vantage point in the flat, we watched as cars skidded and whirled all over - obviously not used to driving in the "wet". Apparently, in the couple of hours following the rain, there were over 200 accidents in the city! But that is not the most bizarre aspect of this story - apparently the "rain" was created by scientists who detonated hydrogen bombs in the sky to create artificial rainfall. They also claim to have brought temperatures down below the normal highs. (Locals agree that this is true).

It is June and the current weather chart for Abu Dhabi looks like this :

Sun 41C high 0% precipitation Clear and sunny
Mon 42C high 0% precipitation Sunny skies
Tue 43C high 0% precipitation Sunny clear skies
Wed 41C high 0% precipitation Abundant sunshine
Thu 42C high 0% precipitation Sunny and clear
Frid 43C high 0% precipitation Mainly sunny
Sat 43C high 0% precipitation Sunny skies

Talk about predictability!!!
And summer is still on it's way .....

Well, we have had our winter - this year it was on Thursday 31st March - and now we are into full-blown sprummer (spring + summer rolled into one!) It was as if someone flicked a switch on that hairdryer and suddenly the temperature and humidity shot up. Of course, if we are battling now, we are going to be melted puddles by the time the "real" summer gets here. I am starting to understand why so many of the expats say they "don't do Middle Eastern summers" and head off back to cooler climes for a couple of months.

Every day we are learning new ways to describe the weather - it's hot and humid, hot and dry, hot and windy, hot and muggy, hotter, slightly less hot, sunny and hot, hot with plenty of sunshine ...... well, you get the picture - I did not know there were so many variations on the theme of HOT!

I am brushing up on my descriptions for when the actual summer hits us - judging from how the milder season of spring has been, I am including words like : burning, scorching, sizzling, boiling, blistering, sweltering, and, oh yes, my all time favourite : HOT.

The mystery of why the shops close from noon til 6pm has been solved ... It is because anyone stupid enough to venture out at the height of the heat of the day - like mad dogs, Englishmen and us - are instantly fried, seared and scorched by the death rays from the sun. People who have to be out scuttle like beetles in the Kalahari - with their toes barely even touching the ground. As DD says : "Even my sweat is sweating!"

Our airconditioner is battling on bravely, struggling to make a difference to the incoming furnace blasts of hot air. Every vent has condensation pouring from it, making unsightly rivulets down walls and puddles on the floors. And speaking of puddles on floors .... in our entrance hall, we have a rattan table with a basket of sweets and chocolates. The other day I found a small puddle of brown liquid under the table - it appears that the chocolates have been melting and dripping onto the floor ... I guess I will just have to eat the rest before they melt too ......

Do you remember that little place in SAfrica called "Hotazhell" ? Well, welcome to "Hotternhell"!!!

We can see the sea !!!

Well, at least we are near the sea - in fact we can see it from our flat window - if we stand on the second rung of the ladder, press our noses to the tiny window opening and use the binoculars! So, you would think that the evening sea breeze would cool things off - no such luck - there ARE no evening breezes, in fact no breezes at all ... and in the evening, the temperature rises and makes it all the more bizarre!

I'm beginning to wonder if the sea is actually a sea at all. I suspect it is more a lake or a man-made dam. There are no waves (I am sure you could skip a stone all the way to Iran if your arms were strong enough!), there is no sea sound, there is no sea smell, there is no sea beach and there are no seagulls. MMmmmm sounds like a lake to me!

Mind you, let me be honest, the other day, there were some "waves" - the water actually splashed up around our knees (!). People started wondering if this was a tsunami attacking Abu Dhabi and were just beginning to panic, when it was discovered that the "waves" were in fact being made by a passing, speeding jet-ski .... Bathers breathed a sigh of relief and within seconds, the sea had gone back to its normal placid lapping.

But, whatever it is, it has the most incredible colour ....

Although Abu Dhabi is a peninsula in the sea, there are actually very few public beaches - most are privately owned by 5-star hotels who charge an exorbitant daily fee to access them. The public beaches have no facilities and there are no shops anywhere near them. Some of them are walled off and designated "ladies' beaches" which means that no male over the age of 8 years (!) is allowed in - kinda makes it a bit difficult to have a family outing to the beach.

Even in the middle of winter, the water is not cold, but now that summer is here, it is bordering on being lukewarm, so swimming in the sea is rather like splashing about in a very large, very salty bath.

The oddest thing is looking at what people wear to go swimming - there are itsy bitsy teeny weeny floss-like bikinis, Speedo's that leave nothing to the imagination and there are the all-in-one, swim-in-your-national-dress-costume which are basically black trousers, ankle length dress, long-sleeved coat and face-covering veil - all of which swirl around like some alien sea-creature in the water. How they don't end up drowning themselves is beyond me. Still ... no risk of sunburn or skin cancer ...

Taxing Taxi's

Taxi's seem to outnumber humans at least 10 to 1. We have christened them "pocket rockets" because they rocket up to you in a cloud of dust and rubber, load you in as fast as possible and then rocket off again - it is your responsibility to hold on tight to your luggage, children and other appendages which might be left dangling out of the open door when the rocket takes off. No going back for bits and pieces! The standard fee is Dh2 (R4) which you virtually throw at the driver as he barely slows down at your destination, before rocketing off in search of another victim!

Of course, taxi drivers spend their entire lives cooped up in those ovens-on-wheels, which probably accounts for some of the rather interesting odours one encounters when entering them! Many of them actually have little air fresheners on their dashboards. They also have a variety of other interesting dingly, dangly things on their dashboards and scattered around their taxi's : these include prayer beads (for use by driver and passengers!), Christmas tinsel and baubles (in and out of Christmas season), boxes of tissues (who does so much crying or sweating??), bushels of faded plastic flowers, and lots of gaudily framed photographs of various relatives and themselves. In fact, many also have these ornaments hanging from their bumpers and outside mirrors too. We have even seen some taxi's (and cars) with fringes and curtain tassles hanging from their bumpers!

Like everyone else, there are different personalities driving these pocket rockets. There are the taciturn, grumpy, don't-talk-to-me type; the eager, enthusiastic, obviously-still-new type; the chatty, look-at-my-photos, where-are-you-from type (who, when we say South Africa, invariably respond with :"Ah, Mandela and Hansie Cronje!!")

Taxi drivers have their own language - spoken and understood only by themselves. When we asked to go to the Post Office, one smilingly replied : "Smoker's Corner?" The more we insisted "Post Office", the more HE insisted "Smoker's Corner", until we gave up, smiled and agreed to go to "Smoker's Corner", which turned out to actually be the Post Office - don't ask how! And likewise, the "mall" has become the "mawn", the "club" has become the "cumb" and the "church" is the "chiz". I don't know how, but somehow we do finally reach our destinations!! Most of the time!

The other day we leapt into a taxi - the driver smiled broadly while vigorously nodding his head and saying : "New?! New??!!!!!" Of course, we replied : "Yes, we are new ..." and told him where we wanted to go. We rocketed off. However, after 20 minutes, during which time we passed the same buildings at least three times, we tried to find out if the driver actually knew where we were going. "No, ME NEW!!" was his reply - HE was new and had no clue where to go, he was waiting for us to direct HIM. We had to jump out and find one who did actually know if he was coming or going!

Walk Like an Abu Dhabian ...

Let me just say a word or several about pedestrians. Pedestrians all over the world are considered pests by most drivers, but here in AD, they are a complete law unto themselves.

It appears that any driver hitting a pedestrian (whether at fault or not), can be sued by the injured pedestrian or his family for an amount of "blood money". The amount is determined by the injured family! Until such time as the driver (or his family) can pay this "blood money" - sometimes several hundreds of thousands of Dirhams (many years' salary for most people), the driver is imprisoned. Obviously, drivers therefore go out of their way to avoid mowing down pedestrians.

This, in turn makes the pedestrians bolder than usual. They are assured that cars will avoid hitting them at all costs, so they meander, saunter, waddle and stroll, with glazed eyes, talking on cell phones, staring into space, or chatting to their children, one another or themselves - wherever and whenever they want, including highways, blind corners and red robots. They are completely oblivious to any other road users - almost as if they were in a coma or sleepwalking. Then, at other times, they dart, scuttle and scamper across the roads from behind buildings, bus-stops and parked cars, without the slightest hesitation or botheration to check for oncoming cars. It is almost as if they have an invisible force-field around them once they don those black or white robes......

When we arrived, we were confused about when to cross at robots and baffled by the u-turning cars, so we decided that "when in Abu, do as the Abu's do", so when they walked, we walked - which was most of the time, as they rarely stopped for traffic. After a couple of near hits, and some pretty hair-raising moments when the robots turned green for the cars and we were stranded in the middle of a 4-lane road, we decided to stop doing as they do, and now rather wait until there are no cars in sight - left OR right. This means that crossing a street can take us up to 25 minutes - but hey, it is better than being roadkill!!

Maybe they should take a lesson from the British, who paint these signs on the road at pedestrian crossings - to help dozy blondes like me .....

Pathetic Parking

Then there is the parking, or should I say "parking" in inverted commas, because it is not parking as we used to know it. The rule seems to be that the instant you spot the shop you are looking for, you simply stop and switch off the engine. This can be done in the middle of the street, on a corner or at the entrance or exit to any parking area.

Legitimate parking includes diagonal, parallel, vertical, double and even quadruple-parallel-behind-diagonally parked cars. In fact, we have seen several cars utilise the same parking space - at the same time - leaving only the side cars with enough room to open their doors and forcing the occupants of the middle car to use the sunroof to exit and re-enter their car. Obviously, if you do not have a sunroof, you should avoid being the car in the middle, unless in an emergency, when you could try to use the windows as escape routes!

We have not seen this YET, but would not be surprised ...!!

Licence Plates

Of course, Arabic numbers (as used on licence plates) are different to our western numbers (well, actually, the western numbers ARE Arabic numbers, and the Arabic numbers are Indic numbers, but that is a whole other story ...)

Anyway, the numbers here are different to what we are used to, and some could cause confusion, for example :

Our 5 is their 0, our 6 is their 7, our 2 is a backwards 7 and our 4 is a backwards 3 ... not to mention that our 7 is a zig and our 8 is a zag.....

The only ones that match are the 1 and the 9.

We have discovered that you can make words with their numbers, so, for example, if your licence was 41415 - it would read E I E I O!!

The government periodically sells "special" numbers, like 78787 (which would give you a pretty ziggy zaggy licence), and what about 5555 - that would be 0000! Or 4444 would be EEEE! The auction price of these special numbers sometimes start at Dh60 000 (R120 000) and can reach astronomical sums - and they sell like hot cakes. Someone told me that you can buy these numbers for life, and actually leave them in your will to your lucky inheritors ... I think I would rather have the pearls thank you!

Transport - The Arab Way

I know what you are thinking - that a handsome, tall, Omar Shariff type has fallen under my spell and kidnapped me, taking me by camel train to the darkest reaches of the desert ...

.... no such luck!! I am sitting here on the 14th floor, with not an Omar in sight!

We are slowly beginning to understand the interesting phenomenon of Abu Dhabian life.

Take their driving for instance : firstly, they drive on the wrong side of the road - the right side (if you get my meaning). This includes not only the cars, but the escalators, stairs and pedestrians as well. So we are constantly fighting our way through streams of oncoming cars, trolleys and people - until we are bumped to the other (wrong) side and can then go with the flow!

Because it is illegal to turn left into a block or driveway, u-turns are not only allowed, but are actually compulsory, and are more or less executed from any lane, in front of any number of oncoming cars. U-turns are also the only time it is compulsory to use an indicator. Some u-turns even have their very own little miniature robot to tell you when you can u-turn.

It seems that traffic signs such as robots, stop signs, yield signs are considered (at best) to be a recommendation or suggestion, not an instruction; and (at worst) a pesky annoyance to be ignored, an irritation and a nuisance!

(And some, like these, could be understood in a number of different ways...)



If you have a road accident, you must telephone the police and they come to assess who is to blame. If it is your fault, you get a pink copy of the form, the blamefree motorist gets the green copy. Garages will not repair your car without this form. A westerner (or expat) involved in an accident with a local is generally assumed to be in the wrong - no matter the circumstances of the accident - the reasoning being that if you were not in the country in the first place, the accident would not have happened. Can't argue with that logic!

Oh, did you know it is the LAW here that your car must be clean? There are very few dirty, dusty or neglected looking cars. However, the other part of the law says that you may not wash you car on the street either!!!??? That explains the long queues at the car washes!

Virtually every intersection has a roundabout, but they are not the puny, "traffic calming" ones we are used to. They are huge circles with at least 8 or 10 roads feeding in and out of them. Vehicles can join from any lane and cross any number of lanes to get to any other lane and can leave by cutting across any lane from any lane into any lane of the adjoining road. The result is scary, to say the least. I am sure there are some cars (probably diven by inexperienced expats) who are too petrified to try to leave these roundabouts and have been circling for years! Some of these roundabouts are so large, they have massive fountains, trees and picnic areas, etc. Although, just how one would cross the 4 lane road to get there is a mystery.

All cars, especially taxis, are fitted with special heavy duty hooters and brakes, because no car can operate without the excessive use of one or the other, or both at the same time. The definition of a nano-second is the time it takes between the robot turning green and the guy behind you hooting for you to move!

And remember, camels have the right of way .....

I am cooking with gas .....

I am cooking with gas ...!! No, really, literally ... cooking with gas - for the first time - I am used to an electric stove.

I have, thus far, managed to : burn water (yes!! you CAN burn water!!), singe my eyebrows and eyelashes and DH's mustache (don't even ask!), melt my non-stick cooking utensils and the stove lighter, set my oven glove on fire, set my favourite apron alight (who knew you should not switch on the gas for a few minutes without lighting it, because it would explode into flames??,) char everything I have tried to fry, roast a leg of lamb for 7-and-a-half hours - and still serve it raw, fill the flat and adjoining passage with smoke - almost activating the building's fire alarm and giving us all severe lung damage, and scald several different body parts (some unmentionable in THIS country!), on several different occasions .....

In my defence, the oven doesn't even have a thermometer - you judge how hot it is by how quickly the hairs on the back of your hand singe off. After using the oven a few times, I now have no hand hairs left, so it is creating a problem. There are only two settings for the oven - scorching hot or ever so slightly warm - nothing inbetween, and no way to tell which setting it is on.

But I will persevere - I will not give up - I shall overcome ... and in the meantime, we have programmed the fast-food delivery number into our telephone!!

Our New Home

We lived for 25 years in the same house in Johannesburg, South Africa. It was a big house with a big garden. We now find ourselves perched like eagles on the 14th floor of a towering inner city building, which does nothing to reduce my swaying vertigo problem!

They say you should never get a flat above the 5th floor because fire-engines' ladders can only reach to the 5th floor .... Think that's a joke? Read on about how well I can cook with gas ....

Our imposing front door


There are 4 apartments on each floor of the building. So we have a quarter of the floor for our flat. We have not met our neighbours yet, but we have SMELT them - They sure cook some strange smelling food!!

The kitchen


Before we moved in, we had the flat deep-cleaned and the cleaning company suggested they insect-proof the place. I felt that any creepy crawly that managed to climb up 14 floors to get to our flat deserved something more than instant death, but I was outvoted by the entomophobics (those who scream like little girls when faced with any kind of creeping, flying or scuttling insect) in the family. Now we have little orange blobs of gel stuck around the door frames and skirting boards. It looks bizaare, but it must be working - I haven't seen any six or eight legged creatures up here yet! Must work for elephants and tigers too - haven't seen any of those either!!!

We were lucky enough to be able to choose our own furniture - which we did with much gusto and much flashing of cash. It took us all of one week to fill the flat and empty the bank balance. Everything in the flat looks crisp and bright and new - about the oldest and most bedraggled things are the humans!

Lounge Before ...


Lounge After!

Images of Abu Dhabi City

Early evening in the city

Abu Dhabi at night

Plenty of greenery - which is why AD is known as the Green Capital

The newly constructed "Corniche" - a seaside recreation area where people can stroll, picnic or sit alongside the beautifully planted gardens, wonderful covered picnic areas, sparkling fountains and intricate paving.

The buildings that you see from the main roads are a marvel of design - each one completely different - many sparkle with mirrored glass and gold painted exteriors. But, as DH once remarked, it is just like a Hollywood movie set - beautiful facades on the outside, whilst behind are wooden shacks and broken-down, shabby buildings, that should have been condemned for human habitation. So many are crammed together that there is barely enough space for people or sunlight to get in-between. But, to their credit, the government seems to be slowly demolishing these eyesores and replacing them with more habitable structures.

Wait a minute ... This doesn't look like some backward desert oasis, filled with marauding savages and fleabitten camels .... it looks quite civilized .... maybe we could even live here!!!

Where in the world ARE we ?

The United Arab Emirates consists of seven "emirates" or sheikhdoms - each operating independently, but together (supposedly!) Of the seven emirates, Abu Dhabi is by far the largest, constituting 80% of the nation's land area (about the size of Austria). This includes some 200 islands. The emirate is also known as Abu Zhabi, so as not to confuse it with the city of Abu Dhabi and is one of the richest emirates.

It is not in Iran or Iraq, it is not near Iran or iraq, it is not at war with Iran or Iraq and you cannot see Iran, Iraq, Pakistan or Afghanistan, even if you look north or south!

It seems Dubai (one of the other emirates) cannot stop building the world's biggest and best things. The obsession started with the Palm, the world's largest artificial island and now another two are being built (next door), each bigger and better than the original. Construction is about the start on the world's tallest tower, which is already being challenged by another one - both in Dubai! They are part of the world's largest waterfront development project.

They will soon have the world's biggest theme park, tallest hotel, longest indoor ski slope, largest man-made port and the greatest capacity airport. Not to mention the world's tallest wheel - bigger than the London Eye (at a cost of US$150billion). We have just visited the world's longest mall - in Dubai.

And finally, we think they are going for the record of the world's MOST construction sites at any one time. It seems as if every inch of space has a partially completed building with a dozen cranes for roof decorations (Harold Johnson would be proud!!)

Hey!! We even saw the biggest gumball machine we've every seen .... in Dubai.

Dubai is the more well-known and popular emirate, but Abu Zhabi is fast losing its reputation of being an outback, backward oilfield, and is promoting itself very well as a tourist destination in its own right.

Dubai is about 120 kilometres from Abu Dhabi (the city), and it takes approximately 1,5 hours to get there on a magnificent eight lane highway which is almost as straight (and as boring!) as an airport runway.

Abu Dhabi (the city) is an island separated from the mainland by a thin stretch of water. The best way to describe the shape of the island of Abu Dhabi is to compare it with a T-bone steak!!

Here we are ....

Well, it is official - we have definitely, actually, positively, surely, unquestionably, undeniably ..... moved to the UNITED ARAB EMIRATES - Abu Dhabi to be precise.

Where?? I hear you ask (because that is exactly what WE asked ... let me enlighten you :

Butt please do not crack any jokes !!!