Souf Effrican sense of humour

I just love our sense of humour - we found these on holiday too .....

Back from Beyond

The lovely holiday home is now a distant memory ... but as it has taken me all this time to get out of my "there's nothing to blog about" phase, here are some of the memories we made this time ...

When you fly Business Class,

you get your own "Pod"!! - no neighbours!!

Rolling grass covered hills in Natal

A festive Christmas table

Feeling better now ....

If you don't understand Afrikaans, sorry
If you DO understand Afrikaans, Ag, SO - RRY!

/www.boerseun.com
Die pennevrug van prof. Johan Combrinck, voormalige Voorsitter van die Taalkommissie van die S.A. Akademie vir Wetenskap en Kuns.


DIE UNIEKE AFRIKAANSE “FOK”
Een van die interessantste, kleurvolste woorde in Afrikaans, is die leenwoord fok en sy familie.
Dis ‘n towerwoord wat, bloot deur sy klank, vreugde of pyn, liefde of haat, ontdekking of frustrasie kan weergee.
Fok is een van die min woorde wat die funksie van byna alle woordsoorte kan vervul.
Dit word as oorganklike werkwoord gebruik (Fok die hele spul),
en as onoorganklike werkwoord (Aag fok),
as bevel (Fok dit!),
in die bedrywende vorm (Dit het my gefok),
sowel as die lydende vorm (Nou is jy gefok),
as die hoofelement in ‘n hele reeks skeibare werkwoorde (aanfok, opfok, uitfok, toefok, voortfok, byfok, agteroorfok, agternafok), ens
of as stam van ‘n werkwoord (Nou het jy die hele ding befok).
As abstrakte selfstandige naamwoord (Ek gee nie ‘n fok om nie),
of as persoonsnaam (Het jy gesien wat die fokker probeer doen?),
as nabepaling by ‘n vraagwoord (Hoe de fok, wie de fok, hoekom de fok, wanneer de fok, ens.),
as byvoeglike naamwoord (Waar moet ek die fokken tyd vandaan kry?),
as bywoord (Dis nou ‘n fokken mooi grap),
en as uitroep (O fok!).
Selfs ook as invoegsel (Onge-fokken-looflik).
Dit kan ook in homself ingevoeg word (Nou is jy be-fokken-fok).

Hierdie Afrikaanse woord kan gebruik word om wyd uiteenlopende situasies te beskryf:
Verrassing: Hoe die fok gaan dit met jou?
Bedrog: Die motorhawe het my befok.
Ontsteltenis: Ag fokkit!
Moeilikheid: Nou is ek in my moer in gefok.
Aggressie: Fok jou!
Moedeloosheid: Hoe die fok moet ek dit regkry?
Walging: Fok my!
Wanbegrip: Ek fokken verstaan nie.
Inkompetensie: Hy fok alles op.
Gesag: Wat die fok dink jy doen jy?
Verdwaal: Nou weet ek not ‘n fok waar ek is nie.
Oortuiging: Onge-fokken-twyfeld.

Dit kan horlosietyd beskryf (Presies half-fokken-vyf),
of omstandighede (Hoe het ek in hierdie fokken job beland?),
of persone (Jan Fokken Smuts),
of dinge (Kyk hoe lyk jou fokken skoene!),
of plekke (Tot in fokken Durban),
of dit kan die siel van ‘n uitnodiging wees wat van hartlikheid drup (Fok u!).

Fok is in Afrikaans onge-fokken-ewenaard!

Feeling a bit homesick today ...

I know a place in Africa...
Inspiring poetry written by Wayne Visser, a South African currently based in UK.

I know a place in Africa
Where I can feel the sun on my back
And the sand between my barefoot toes
Where I can hear the gulls on the breeze
And the waves crash on the endless shore

I know a place in Africa
Where the mountains touch the skies of blue
And the valleys shelter vines of green
Where the trees spread out a cloth of mauve
And the bushveld wears a coat of beige

I know a place in Africa
Where I can hear the voice of thunder gods
And watch their lightening spears thrown to earth
Where I can breathe the scent of rain clouds
And taste the sweet dew of dusty drops

This is the place of wildness
Of evolution and dinosaurs
Where life began and mankind first stood
Of living fossils and elephants
Where lions roar and springbok herds leap

This is the place of struggle
Of desert plains and thorn trees
Where pathways end and hunters track game
Of horizons and frontiers
Where journeys start and sunsets bleed red

This is the place of freedom
Of exploration and pioneers
Where darkness loomed and light saw us through
Of living legends and miracles
Where daybreak came and hope now shines bright

My heart is at home in Africa
Where the sound of drums beat in my chest
And the songs of time ring in my ears
Where the rainbow mist glows in my eyes
And the smiles of friends make me welcome

My mind is at ease in Africa
Where the people still live close to the soil
And the seasons mark my changing moods
Where the markets hustle with trading
And Creation keeps its own slow time

My soul is at peace in Africa
For her streams bring lifeblood to my veins
And her winds bring healing to my dreams
For when the tale of this land is told
Her destiny and mine are as one © 2006 Wayne Visser



....Ah yes, if only it was still like this ....

What's the difference ?

The country is run autocratically, with the voting population given very limited actual say over the running of the country. The disenfranchised population outnumbers those who have the "right to vote" many times to one. Millions of migrant workers have left poverty striken areas to work in the cities with streets of gold.

These workers fill lowly manual labourer positions, doing jobs that those who run the country refuse to do. These same migrant workers have very few rights and are frequently subject to basic human rights violations by those in power who are often above the law. They are paid poverty datum line wages and are treated far worse than the pampered pooches of their "bosses".

Crammed , sardinelike, into "hostels" or "labour camps" with less than basic amenities, some resort to sleeping on rooftops and the street or to timesharing their beds. They are separated from their families for months/years at a time - wives and children are not allowed. If wives are generously given work, they live in rooms the size of a cupboard, are not allowed to have their children or husbands with them and are expected to work all hours of the day and night. These women babysit the "madams" babies and, in many cases are the primary caregiver - virtually bringing them up.

Workers are threatened with "deportation" if they complain or question their treatment as there are many, many more who would be grateful to have these jobs because their homelands are wracked with poverty and disease. It is so easy to take advantage of these desperate people, and expect them to be grateful in return.

However, crime is low because punishment is swift and harsh. Lower castes are herded into their camps at night and those found wandering in affluent neighbourhoods are treated with suspicion by the police force who keep good law and order through fear of consequences. The economy booms because of natural resources that are sought after and prices are high. Tourists enjoy the rapidly growing attractions - huge hotel cities are built purely for their pleasure. They are safe and their pounds/dollars go far - they can live in luxury undreamt of in their home countries.

Slowly resentment and envy creep into the psyche of those at the bottom of the feeding chain. As prices rise, unaffecting the upper echelons, reports begin of petty crime - the theft of some bicycles, shoplifting, handbag and purse snatching. The powers-that-be decide that, in order not to panic tourists and the wealthy, newspapers should adhere to the adage that "less (reporting) is more".

More and more incidents of assault, rape and murder take place. Animal cruelty increases, beggars and scammers proliferate - despite efforts to keep them curbed. People are disillusioned with the overcrowded, stressed "golden" cities and become more aggressive and depressed. Suicide rates increase, alcoholism increases and drugs become a serious problem.

I've just realised .... I don't know if I am writing about the UAE or South Africa ....
Is there a lesson to be learned ?

Miss Communication

So, as you know, we went back to South Africa - taking our newly learnt "Arabic" with us ...

There are now more than a couple of Saffers muttering : "Up YOUR inch with a shalla". (And, co-incidentally, the hand sign that usually accompanies Inshallah means a**hole in SA!!

And "tomorrow" has become an acceptable, actual length of time - almost as long as the South African "just now".

And now, back in the desert ...

Imagine the petrol jockey's face when DH leaned out the window and said "Woza Nkosi"... priceless!!

When you drive past a car and the driver grins and says "Jou bliksem" - it is NOT actually a compliment, just us swearing at you!

Been there and back ....

Just got back from the Motherland – went home for Christmas for the first time in over a year. Thought you might like to know what I thought – I began comparing “home” with “home” and this is what I found :

- Entering the country through customs :
UAE : We were greeted with a sullen grunt of “Hmmpf, passport!” and sent on our way with “Go!”
South Africa : We were cheerily greeted with toothy grins and “How are you? Welcome to South Africa, where are you visiting? Enjoy your stay.”

- On feeling safe and comfortable :
UAE : We finally relaxed and began to believe in the inherent good of people whose sole purpose was NOT to rob, murder or rape us.
South Africa : Within moments, our paranoia (justified by previous bad experiences) returned – we clutched our bags tighter, looked around suspiciously, were unable to leave any possessions unattended for even mere minutes, we locked and double locked car doors, hotel doors and luggage padlocks.

- Cars and traffic :
UAE : Traffic jams and snarl ups on a daily basis, but somehow, apart from the fools in the fast lane, most people patiently sit and wait their turn and let others pull in front of them (although, mostly, you don’t have an actual choice in this!)
South Africa : Traffic jams and snarl ups on a daily basis, most people turn on the road rage when they turn the car key. Drivers are belligerent, confrontational and use swearwords and zap signs far more than they use their hooters.

- Litter and pollution :
UAE : We have always remarked on how clean the streets and parks are – people walk or picnic or sit among the gardens and leave only their footprints when they leave.
South Africa : Streets and parks are littered with every conceivable type of rubbish, from plastic bags, cans, and bottles to garden rubble and dead animals. Trees and flowers are routinely destroyed just for fun. Concrete benches, rubbish bins and street signs are an invitation to prove how strong you are as you reduce them to rubble. Every surface is covered in ugly graffiti.

- Dress :
UAE : With the occasional exception of mutton-expat grannies trying to dress as young lambs, most ladies dress with a certain amount of decorum and respect.
South Africa : Sitting and people-watching in one of the malls, we could not believe that parents allow their daughters out in public wearing the skintight, microshort, low cut outfits we saw. But then, lots of the mothers were wearing them too. Watching people go up escalators and glass lifts was like receiving free biology lessons – not much left to the imagination!

- Television :
UAE : Strict censorship feels restrictive and irritating, but …South Africa : Talking about free biology lessons – just watch some of the soap operas – you won’t have to give the “birds and bees” talk to your kids – it is graphic and very realistic and all in “family viewing time”.

Conclusions :
Yes, distance DOES lend enchantment to the view – nostalgic memories are fuzzy and warm and leave out the harsher realities.
Yes, South Africa DOES treat tourists with more warmth and friendliness.
Yes, South Africans ARE more friendly and warm than Emiratis who, at times, seem quite hostile.
Yes, people in the UAE have a far stricter moral code, which I, personally, think holds more promise for the future than the “everyone-can-do-as-they-please” attitude.
Yes, it was nice to see naturally-growing trees and shrubs that were not planted in strict military rows and shorn and shaved to the exact same shape and specification.
Yes, it was extremely irritating to be swamped at every traffic light by vendors, sick, lame and lazy beggars and all kinds of suspicious looking loiterers.
Yes, it was a shock to have to empty your wallet, max out your credit card and promise the soul of your firstborn just to fill up with a tank of petrol.
Yes, it was very pleasant (to say the least) to come back and find our cars where we had parked them, and our house intact – not a common experience lately in SA.

So, I have decided my heart is where my home is – whatever country that may be – as long as DH and DD are there – but, my soul will always be African – there really is a kind of magic that you can never lose.